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Message started by Linh on Nov 29th, 2007 at 6:21pm

Title: Seeking guidance
Post by Linh on Nov 29th, 2007 at 6:21pm
Hello All,

It has been a couple of years since I have posted on this message board. I felt a need to come back here to get inspiration after the recent death of my husband's grandmother. She was too old to do anything  for herself (like eating, drinking, etc) which made her passing bearable for the family. But her death was a wake up call for me...

Since the birth of my son in 2005, I slowly evolved into a very negative, angry person who hated everyone who had a better life than me. Even though, Bruce's website site had given my answers back in 2001, my thoughts started feeding me doubts about the afterlife. It would tell me things like "There is nothing after you die. This life is it, why follow rules and be depress all the time? Go make yourself happy at the expense of others." From a nice, sweet person that I once was, I started to evolve into a monster. I would wish ill on others, get enrage when I perceived I was getting used, and make negative statements about myself, my husband, and my son. I felt out of control with this negativity. Even when I tried to come to my senses, it would overpower me and take over.

At this time, I don't want to be this monster with so much hate in her heart. I am tired of looking at other and hating them for having more than me. Gramp's death helped put things in perspective for me. Why the hell am I getting jealous and hating my sister-in-law just because she can afford a million dollar home and have a well-behave daughter? So what, right? But it is so hard for me to shake it off. It is still a battle for me, though. I can't help, but to hate her and wish that her fetus dies inside of her. (Evil, huh? ..sigh.. this is what I deal with inside my head. I don't like it.)

Anyways, I need help to get back on the right path of Postive Unconditional Love. I am seeing a marriage therapist for my marriage, but I feel I need a spiritual therapist to clean my soul from this hate. Is there such things as a Spiritual therapist? It is hard to shake this hate off by myself. Even after my conscious desire to change, I can hear my negative thoughts in my head. It is a constant battle inside my brain - like fighting good over evil.

Do any of you have any suggestions for me to take control of myself to become positive about life, again?

Thank you for not judging me and reaching out to help me.
Linh

Title: Re: Seeking guidance
Post by blink on Nov 29th, 2007 at 6:34pm
My advice is to forgive yourself, Linh. Not one of us is any better or any worse than anyone else, in my opinion.

And there are many kinds of meditation which can help clear your mind of troublesome thoughts. What is helping me the most right now is to consider my life a kind of meditation. I am gently attempting to become more conscious, so that I can be aware, as my life is happening, of the universe actually assisting me in becoming a new person.

I am sorry for your recent loss of your husband's grandmother. It is interesting how witnessing the death of someone close to us can cause us to question ourselves.

love, blink :)

Title: Re: Seeking guidance
Post by betson on Nov 29th, 2007 at 8:27pm
Greetings Linh,

Congratulations on seeking to overcome that state of mind that is bedevilling you !

My suggestion will sound lke a commercial but it worked for me when I was in similiar circumstances:
If you would get hold of, read, and try the experiences suggested in Bruce Moen's books, particularly
the Afterlife Knowledge Guidebook, you will find that the changes you seek come easily.

My theory is that when our souls get fed up with a negative conscious attitude, they rebel and do strange things to get our attention.  They crave the changes that will enrich their being. Once they see that we are attempting to live a more soul-full life of PUL, they  help move us in that direction, IMO.

Best wishes! I hope you'll stay in touch and let us know how you're doing.

Bets

Title: Re: Seeking guidance
Post by recoverer on Nov 29th, 2007 at 9:24pm
Hello Linh:

Our minds are a mixture of contradicting thought patterns. The fact of how you are able to see that you don't like your negative thought patterns, shows that there is a part of you that knows better. This is the real you. Embrace this part of yourself, and don't judge yourself for the negative thought patterns.  

I once had this dream.  A large odd looking elephant animal walked through a park. It stepped right over a little dog, the dog didn't respond, and didn't get hurt. Next this large animal walked right over a baby, the baby didn't respond, and didn't get hurt. I became afraid of the animal and hid behind a tree, the animal sensed this, and charged right after me.

The point of this dream was to tell me that thought patterns give us problems only when we give them power.  We give them power when we believe in them and have some emotional attachment towards them. Sometimes we become attached to patterns of thought not because we like them, but because we are repulsed by them.

When thought patterns trouble us it is sometimes hard to get free of them, because it hard to look at them clearly. I found that it helps to write down the details of such thought patterns on a piece of paper, because this enables me to get them all in one place, so I can examine them thoroughly. I also found that when I use such an approach, many things occur to me that otherwise wouldn't occur.

I've found that any thought pattern that limits us, is false. Sometimes we have to view things from a spiritual perspective in order to get an answer,  but there is always an answer. For example, eventually, each of us will end up in a place where our problems no longer exist. We'll find that the difficulties we go through here in the physical World help us evolve to the point where we can experience an eternal realm of perfection.  We'll find that there is no longer a reason to have bad feelings towards anybody, because we'll all be abiding in the same state of perfection. I don't say this simply because I've read about such places in books, even though I have read some convincing accounts. I say so because I've experienced such a realm.

It also helps to pray. There are wonderful beings of love and light who want to help you. Sounds like they are already doing so.

Title: Re: Seeking guidance
Post by Linh on Nov 30th, 2007 at 11:55am
Blink: Wow, just reading the word "forgive" brought tears to my eyes.  :'( I think I am very harsh and critical of myself and beat myself up if I do not measure up with others. Hmm... I think that may be the root of my jealousy. Thank you so much for reminding me that I do need to forgive myself for my mean thoughts. It does help lightening the heavy feeling in my heart.

Bets: Thanks for the word of encouragement! Actually, I have bought all of Bruce's books and tapes in 2001. I love the books so much that I will be reading them to my son when he is older. Last year, I bought Bruce's Handbook and Cds (upgrade from the tapes).  Maybe I need to take them out of storage and read them over, again.
     Tell me about it! My soul feels like it is swimming in crap of negative energy. It had been crying out to my body to stop being so ugly for awhile now. I think being so ugly inside had manifested me to be bloated and unattractive on the outside. I am so ready for the change.

Recoverer: Please give me more insight on on this realm that you have experience. I am intrigue. I do believe writing down my negative thoughts will help me understand the root of the problem. Thanks for the great suggestion!

To all others: Since I started having the desire to be nicer, I have been trying to incorporate acts of kindness in my life. I have force myself to do things in which I normally wouldn't - not because I am actually a mean person, just that I've always been too shy to put myself out there. For example, I had worked up the courage to shared my umbrella with a total stranger while we were walking to to the bus stop. It does feel much better to be nice.  :)

Title: Re: Seeking guidance
Post by vajra on Nov 30th, 2007 at 12:25pm
Hi Linh. Sorry to hear of your troubles. Been there, done that so to speak.

My personal experience has been much as Bets says that starting down the spiritual path but especially getting a regular meditation practice going was the key step. It somehow creates the space and the ease needed for you to reconnect with your natural wisdom and compassion - so that as Blink says you can stop being hard on yourself and others.

I thought at one stage in the 90s that I'd never be happy again - that it was something that was lost in childhood never to be recovered. But not so.

Most of my experience has been via varieties of Zen and Tibetan Buddhism - you might be able to find a centre of some sort local to you where you could take some lessons. Most e.g. Shambhala have wholly secular and non-religious programmes teaching meditation to beginners at very little cost. Or maybe some of the guys can suggest alternatives.

There are perspectives that come through in for example Buddhist teaching that help to philosophically underpin this, but be careful about getting involved in intense mental or intellectual doing. It has a tendency unless taken lightly to by cranking up mental intensity add fuel to the fire.

They talk of its pruning the tips of the branches, while meditation goes directly to the root. Or that you can't solve a problem at its own level. Books like When Things Fall Apart by Pema Chodron or  The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying by Sogyal Rinpoche provide a useful overview on how it all hangs together.

Something is obviously stirring or you wouldn't be here. I was consumed by an urge (from where I knew not) to start reading spiritual books when I bottomed with illness and depression in the early 90s, but was quickly led to meditation...

Title: Re: Seeking guidance
Post by dave_a_mbs on Nov 30th, 2007 at 12:43pm
Hi Linh-
The Buddhist tradition tells us that the topic of death is always a useful one to focus on, as it will lead us to useful understandings. I regret that you lost a loved one, but that it brought you to awareness of yourself seems like a valuable was to regard it.

On another thread recently there has been a discussion about the ego - the persona by which we thread our way through the world. It seems to be necessary to be aware of all the negative options before we can turn to the more poisitive ones - else we have no reference point. As you have discovered, the negative options tend to be misleading, in part valid and in part invalid, only dreams of attainment, as compared to the whole picture. Fortunately such bad dreams bring karma as a corrective reaction so that we again regain clarity. It appears that you have worked through that part of the puzzle and are now in the process of sorting out the untrue from the true. In my opinion, you are doing exactly the proper thing in exactly the proper manner, and will now go on to prosper.

It's awafully easy to tell people how wonderful life is, but in fact you deserve credit for the hard personal work you are doing. I recall my own discovery of essentially the same basic truths, and I didn't think much of myself at the time. However, perseverence will pay off. That too is an easy thing to say, and thinking back on my own struggles I recall something I read somewhere, "When your up to your arse in alligators it can be difficult to remember that the original plan was to drain the swamp." ;-)

Keep at it. I salute you for your courage!
dave


Title: Re: Seeking guidance
Post by LaffingRain on Nov 30th, 2007 at 1:28pm
Hi again Linh, I do remember you  :) you were pregnant then and wondering whether to have the child or not..we advised that you should and you were happy. I'm really glad to see you here again and to know we may have helped a bit in your life.

everybody surrounded you then, and we do now too, because we sense a genuine, honest person on board..our spirit talks to yours, is community.

its so hard to do what you just did, to speak of the negative thoughts, but come to find out, through you, we are reminded, we too have had imperfect thoughts, to be envious of another and unhappy with our lot in life.

yet to focus on what you can do now, not what you cannot do, I think I agree with Dave, you are in the process right now. you took the first step by writing this post, or maybe even before that, you start to examine the thoughts which held you prisoner to unhappiness.

I see a light in you from what you said in your follow up post; you said "I shared my umbrella with another."

This is the real you. the truth is no person is an island. we need each other; this simple act of sharing your umbrella will remind you that briefly, you were in touch with your real self, which is sweet and loving and reaches to others, so I say, I don't worry about your spiritual growth.

I still can have angry thoughts myself and I don't know if this will help you, I can sometimes catch myself going on a rant with myself about whatever, if I can catch those negative thoughts, I can say to them, like they was a person, "I wish to think on something else right now that is of wisdom, that will bring light on the situation."

and this is like they said above, to release the negation to higher guidance, or forgive yourself so you can make a new day.
also, you already know, or starting to know, that you cannot compare your life to anothers, for u don't know what struggles your sister may be hiding. she seems to be needing your love and approval if I am seeing your story correctly.

I see jealousy between siblings all the time. let me share something funny;  :D I have born identical twins. they both have the same exact bone structure, face and are, to me, quite beautiful equally. Ok, they will get up in each other's face and the one say to the other, I am more beautiful than you are!
hahahaha!!!

so the jealousy, you will overcome that as you learn to love yourself more. if it helps any, this is a period in history, we are all going through tremendous pressure to become more spiritually conscious, and certainly, when someone dies close to us, it starts the process of intensity proportions.
just take yourself firmly in hand dear, and say, I am growing my own garden of character traits, and I will be all that I can be, right here and now, for I own the choices.

love to you, and come see us anytime you want to talk. alysia

Title: Re: Seeking guidance
Post by Linh on Nov 30th, 2007 at 3:05pm
Vajra - Thanks you for all your suggestions. I am familiar with mediation. I have done it in the past and should start it back up.   Buddhism, huh? mmm... Well, being Chinese and all, I was raise knowing about incense, praying, reincarnation. Unfortunately, my parents never taught me real substance of Buddhism. They used Buddha's teach for their own good. For example, they would say "Buddha say you have to listen to your parents, or else you be reincarnated into a animal in your next life".  ;D Also, the rituals were all hocus pocus to me like spending two days straight kneeling on the hard ground while the monks chant for the dead grandmother. How torturous! Why can't it be like Christianity where you read eulogies and then bury the casket? The worst part is my parents and others are just like Christians where they say, "if you don't believe, something bad will happen to you (i.e hell or becoming a pig in your next life). As if just believing will ensure eternal happiness! They forgot the part of actually being compassionate to others and feeling PUL on Earth. So, in the end, I am alittle turn off by all forms of religion.  That is why I love Bruce's approach. You seek the answers through yourself. Only you can find the truth.

Dave, your statment, "When your up to your arse in alligators it can be difficult to remember that the original plan was to drain the swamp." That described me in a nutshell! Since the birth of my son, I feel my equilibrium have been out of sync. It is almost like I am just trying to stay afloat day by day. Try living in this existence for 2 years...it will make you forget about the grand scheme of life. I got suck into our Society's selfish thinking mode - "me,me,me". Now that my son is growing older (two!), I feel like I can slowly find time for myself to enrich my soul. Thank you for making a valid point of why I have these negative thoughts. It is true, without these negative thoughts, I wouldn't know the how to be more loving to people.

Alysia - I was hoping you contributed your wisedom to this thread! The last time I was on here, you were writing your book, right? It must be published by now. As for your post, let say you opened the flood gates for me. I am glad that I am not as off course as I thought I was on. Whew! You made a good point about talking to my negative thoughts as if they are real people. That would definitely help reduce the conflict between the good and evil side of me.

As for my jealousy, it is with my husband's brother's wife. Now, it will be a huge test for me if I can stop hating her. Just typing this makes my blood boil with hate for her for some reason. She did nothing to me per se, but I just can't stop disliking her. Help me understand why? I am going to have a dialogue with this hate inside of me. What revelation can you guys get from it to help me destroy this hate.

me: why do you hate her so much?
hate: she makes me sick
me: why?
hate: always getting her way with everything
me: So..
hate: I want her to suffer like me!
me: That is not good.
hate: I know, but it would make me happy to see her suffer. Maybe then, she could get off her high horse and have some empathy for people.

Title: Re: Seeking guidance
Post by LaffingRain on Nov 30th, 2007 at 3:49pm
Linh said: Alysia - I was hoping you contributed your wisedom to this thread! The last time I was on here, you were writing your book, right? It must be published by now. As for your post, let say you opened the flood gates for me. I am glad that I am not as off course as I thought I was on. Whew! You made a good point about talking to my negative thoughts as if they are real people. That would definitely help reduce the conflict between the good and evil side of me.  

As for my jealousy, it is with my husband's brother's wife. Now, it will be a huge test for me if I can stop hating her. Just typing this makes my blood boil with hate for her for some reason. She did nothing to me per se, but I just can't stop disliking her. Help me understand why? I am going to have a dialogue with this hate inside of me. What revelation can you guys get from it to help me destroy this hate.

me: why do you hate her so much?
hate: she makes me sick
me: why?
hate: always getting her way with everything
me: So..
hate: I want her to suffer like me!
me: That is not good.
hate: I know, but it would make me happy to see her suffer. Maybe then, she could get off her high horse and have some empathy for people.  
_____

hey! good start to the self talk. you seem good at it, but you didn't finish! haha!

you recognize what you want from her is for her to have empathy. you probably know that it is impossible for us to change another person, right?
so now we have the eternal dilemma. how to get what we want from another which we are not getting.

(btw, glad to see China has same problems!)

so now continue your conversation. I will continue it to demonstrate how I would talk to myself if I had this problem with a high and mighty person, I would speak directly to their higher self to ask for clarification, in pretending manner:

Me: I want you to get off your high and mighty horse and have some empathy. It's your fault I am angry with you. u make me feel evil.

Other: I am high and mighty. Show me what is empathy? I do not cause you to feel evil simply because I am such a perfect person. Why do you not show me this thing that you call empathy?

Me: hmmm. You really don't know what I need from you?

Other: No, you never really ask me for anything in physical reality. Maybe you can teach me what it is? Although, I am so grand now, perhaps you are not able to teach me anything?

Me: How, I wonder could I show you what empathy is unless you let me?

Other: I would probably let you if you weren't sending me a bad feeling that you hate me. It makes me feel more superior to you when I pick up your bad will. so we perpetuate this game.

Me: OH!!!   First I must change myself, then you will change?

Other: Yes, if you cease to hate me, even though I retain my thoughts that you are inferior and not as gifted and lucky as I am, if you cease to hate me, then I would wonder why you are different to me in your behavior. I would be more open to you then, I might even change my attitude! What if......

Me: What if..what?

Other: What if, we are doing a karma thing, where we need to work out our differences this time?

Me: then if we are doing a karma thing, you should have been born a pig. WHOOPS! I will try to understand, I need to change myself, so that you will be able change!

Other: We can try. We can only try to find the love, that we seem to have lost.

then see yourselves to embrace, bow slightly to your opponent and give them respect for the battle to ensue.
and the battle is to learn the forgiving part.

love to you, you have begun!!!!


Title: Re: Seeking guidance
Post by vajra on Nov 30th, 2007 at 4:15pm
Peculiarly enough Linh I can echo your historical issues with Buddhism but from the point of view of my experience of Christianity as a child. As can my wife. Even Tibetan Buddhism gives me the horrors on occasion - all those robes and gold leaf trigger a reaction as they remind me a lot of the catholic church which doesn't have the most savoury reputation around here. My wife too.

It took quite serious illness and the melt down of my life in my late 30s to get me to look past this conditioning.

I've been meditating since the early 90s, with Buddhist groups since the late 90s. But to this day I classify myself as a semi-detached Buddhist. As a tradition it's never led me astray (that I've detected, but I'm probably a trusting fool  ::)), but on the other hand I make sure to keep an eye on what other traditions have to say and will not suspend disbelief/shift to automatic acceptance of everything I hear taught in the unconditional manner that some would seem to.

I can't quite decide if it's just that I take my little cautions too seriously, or that that's what you always have to do with spiritual traditions. Buddhism anyway teaches above all that you shouldn't suspend your judgement.

Just be careful not to throw the baby out with the bath water. You don't have to go Buddhist to meditate, even with most Western Buddhist groups. They absolutely don't proselytise or demand any sort of commitment - or if they do they are going against core teaching. You can even get some instruction elsewhere - but pretty much for sure if you can get going properly it'll bring some stability and help you through your hassles.

Is that you in your avatar? If so you look a million dollars in that outfit. Could you tell us what it is???

Title: Re: Seeking guidance
Post by Linh on Nov 30th, 2007 at 5:00pm
Alysia - how can I be as good as you? My jaw is just open with no words... :D Now that dialogue was deep. You are an expert, that is why it came naturally for you to have such great dialogue with one self. But, I can see what you are saying about my flawed belief - I can't force others to feel empathy if they don't want to, I can only change myself. (sigh) just like my marriage therapist telling me "You can't seat there wanting to change your husband to save your marriage. You can only change yourself". Boy, it is becoming a recurring theme in my life. I must be dunce for not getting it. Such a simple concept, but yet, so hard to grasp. Instead of looking at others to make me happy, I need to look inside to make me happy. hmmm... I can see I have a long journey ahead of me to get this concept in my head.

Vajra - yes, the picture was me in 2000 before baby fattened me up.  :'( It is nothing special. Just some studio portraits I took with my husband in costumes.

Title: Re: Seeking guidance
Post by recoverer on Nov 30th, 2007 at 5:37pm
Linh:

In response to what you posted below: I've had numerous experiences that have let me know that the World of spirit exists.  When it comes to the specific experience I wrote about on my last post, one night I found myself in a heavenly realm. I didn't see nor hear anybody, but I knew I was with others. It seemed to be the state of perfection we all strive for.

The level of happiness in this realm was wonderful. I felt a great sense of relief, because the problems of the World were completely gone. I understood without having to think about it,  that everything works out wonderfully in the end.

At the time I was an atheist. If somebody tried to tell me that God and the afterlife existed I would've said "no way." But during this experience I had no doubts, and was very pleasantly surprised. Not only did I understand that God (not in an old man in the sky sense) and the afterlife existed, I completely understood how it is possible without having to think about it. It was a deep automatic knowing that had great depth.

I also understood that Christ is a key part of it, but not in a fundamentalist way. I didn't see nor hear him, nor did somebody tell me about him. There was just simply this knowledge that he is a key part of divine reality.  I was surprised to see that this was so, but felt no need to debate the point, because it was obvious. At the end of the experience I saw a bright star that I understood to be a symbol for Christ.

When the experience ended, I was greatly dissapointed. Even though during the experience I understood "of course, this is what reality is truly about," I quickly went back to my scientific way of viewing life.

Not too long afterwards I started to have various spiritual experiences, yet I didn't recall the above experience. One day, years afterwards, I remembered it better than I remembered it the days that immediately followed. When I considered it some more, I realized that what I experienced was way beyond what my mind could create.  My forgetfulness reminded me of the forgetfulness some near death experiencers go through. I believe that memories of the experience came back to me after I was open to receiving them.

Regarding the Christ part, I've had a number of other experiences which have verified that he is a key part of divine reality, but again, not in a fundamentalist way.

I hope you don't mind me adding this, on a post to Alysia you mentioned your anger towards your ex husband's wife.  You mentioned the techique of having communication with the part of your mind that causes such thoughts to come into being. Perhaps you came up with this technique after reading what Bruce Moen wrote in his fifth book.  I believe it is important to remember that he wrote that his usage of this technique doesn't mean that he literally believes that such an aspect of being actually exist. He simply used this technique to deal with the though patterns that limit him.

I bring up this distinction because I believe it is a mistake to give unwanted thought patterns more reality than they have.  Such thought patterns are basically inert, until something stimulates them to come to life. Perhaps something we see or think about relates to them. It is up to us to decide if we want to provide such thought patterns the interest and therefore emotional fuel they need in order to stay active. A good way to deal with such thought patterns when they come up in a momentary/reactive way, is to realize right away that this isn't a thought pattern I want to give life to, and then tune into love as best as you can.  Sometimes we have to do this repeatedly with a particular thought pattern, before it stops effecting us.

I do believe there are exceptions when it comes to aspects of self. For example, sometimes spirits speak of being at more than one place at a time. However, this isn't a matter of an unwanted thought pattern coming to life. It is a matter of a preferential choice that serves a purpose. There are also some instances that aren't preferential, but perhaps necessary for a period of time. For example, a person who takes on multiple personalities in order to find separation from something really traumatic that took place in his or her life.

It may be that you have anger toward's your ex's wife, because you're wondering "what does she have that I don't have?" Clearly your self worth doesn't have anything to do with her. Nothing in the universe has the power to stop you from being a wonderful divine being.  While in this World people often come up with superficial ways to judge each other's worth, but in the end who we are in spirit is what really counts.  Certainly a day will come when both you and your ex's wife will understand who you are at the level of spirit, and will have no differences at all. The more committed we are to living according to such love, the faster we'll grow spiritually.

 



[quote author=Linh link=1196374914/0#4 date=1196438139]
Recoverer: Please give me more insight on on this realm that you have experience. I am intrigue. I do believe writing down my negative thoughts will help me understand the root of the problem. Thanks for the great suggestion!

Title: Re: Seeking guidance
Post by LaffingRain on Dec 1st, 2007 at 3:19pm

Linh wrote on Nov 30th, 2007 at 5:00pm:
Alysia - how can I be as good as you? My jaw is just open with no words... :D Now that dialogue was deep. You are an expert, that is why it came naturally for you to have such great dialogue with one self. But, I can see what you are saying about my flawed belief - I can't force others to feel empathy if they don't want to, I can only change myself. (sigh) just like my marriage therapist telling me "You can't seat there wanting to change your husband to save your marriage. You can only change yourself". Boy, it is becoming a recurring theme in my life. I must be dunce for not getting it. Such a simple concept, but yet, so hard to grasp. Instead of looking at others to make me happy, I need to look inside to make me happy. hmmm... I can see I have a long journey ahead of me to get this concept in my head.

Vajra - yes, the picture was me in 2000 before baby fattened me up.  :'( It is nothing special. Just some studio portraits I took with my husband in costumes.

_____

Hi Linh  don't be too hard on yourself. I was thinking about you yesterday, about how the baby is two years old now, it's called the terrible twos here in america.

you probably have very little time to yourself as a new mother, also here in america, don't know about China, we have a thing we call post partum depression, where a new mom feels depressed because she is compelled to produce a well behaved child and unfortunately, no manual comes with the little tykes who are full of energy and must be followed around constantly, fed, potti trained, dressed, told to stop screaming so mommy can cook dinner, etc. Life has a way of asking new mom's to just forget about themselves, and concentrate on the kid/s.
it can be frustrating, especially if the one sisterinlaw is coming by, and making you feel a failure at your job, because she's so together. not fun.
so I was looking at your life, and remembering when I was a new mother and how I wished for someone to talk to, yet my own mother did not have any advice for me how to raise children without wanting to run screaming into the street.

so I empathize that you probably don't have time to meditate. Yet you seem a fast learner, and please give your self some credit for effort and for keeping your chin up during these early years of the child. soon he will attend school and you might be able to take a relaxing bath at that time!

All things change, all things pass, you WILL get through this trying time. You gave a little soul an entrance point into life, you should be proud you did and he Chose You for mom. but sometimes the rewards of motherhood come much later in life, and don't be fooled by anyone saying well, you aren't a super mom, you aren't martha stewart either but you are doing the best you know how with the info you have.

love to you! thanks for your comments. alysia

Title: Re: Seeking guidance
Post by Linh on Dec 20th, 2007 at 3:24pm
Hi guys,

Just wanted to thank Nanner for providing the link to the German website (http://www.jenseits-de.org).

Last week I was reading from the above mentioned website and came across "The Little Soul and the Sun" parable. ( http://www.jenseits-de.org/e/index-education.html). The story helped me release my hate for my sister-in-law. I actually felt love for her after I read the story. It brought tears in my eyes for having such ugly feelings toward her for so long. I was actually asham. This story help me see things in a newer perspective.

I even apologize to my husband for being so mean all these years and that I need him to be by my side to help me be more loving and patient!

So, Nanner, thank you for releasing me from my dark side by providing the link to Peter's site.

Title: Re: Seeking guidance
Post by Linh on Dec 20th, 2007 at 3:28pm
Here is the story below:

The Little Soul and the Sun


Once upon no time, there was a Little Soul who said to God, "I know who I am."

And God said, "That's wonderful! Who are you?"

And the Little Soul shouted, "I'm the Light!"

God smiled a big smile. "That's right!" God exclaimed. "You are the Light."

The Little Soul was so happy, for it had figured out what all the souls in the Kingdom were there to figure out.

"Wow," said the Little Soul, "this is really cool!"

But soon, knowing who it was was not enough. The Little Soul felt stirrings inside, and now wanted to be who it was. And so the Little Soul went back to God (which is not a bad idea for all souls who want to be Who They Really Are) and said,

"Hi, God! Now that I know Who I am, is it okay for me to be it?"

And God said, "You mean you want to be Who You Already Are?"

"Well," replied the Little Soul," it's one thing to know Who I Am, and another thing altogether to actually be it. I want to feel what it's like to be the Light!"

"But you already are the Light," God repeated, smiling again.

"Yes, but I want to see what that feels like!" cried the Little Soul.

"Well," said God with a chuckle, "I suppose I should have known. You always were the adventuresome one."

Then God's expression changed. "There's only one thing..."

"What?" asked the Little Soul.

"Well, there is nothing else but the Light. You see, I created nothing but what you are; and so, there is no easy way for you to experience yourself as Who You Are, since there is nothing that you are not."

"Huh?" said the Little Soul, who was now a little confused.

"Think of it this way," said God. "You are like a candle in the sun. Oh, you're there all right. Along with a million, gazillion other candles who make up the sun. And the sun would not be the sun without you. Nay, it would be a sun without one of its candles... and that would not be the sun at all; for it would not shine as brightly. Yet, how to know yourself as the Light when you are amidst the Light -that is the question."

"Well," the Little Soul perked up, "you're God. Think of something!"

Once more God smiled. "I already have," God said. "Since you cannot see yourself as the Light when you are in the Light, we'll surround you with darkness."

"What's darkness?" the Little Soul asked.

God replied, "It is that which you are not."

"Will I be afraid of the dark?" cried the Little Soul.

"Only if you choose to be," God answered. "There is nothing, really, to be afraid of, unless you decide that there is. You see, we are making it all up. We are pretending."

"Oh," said the Little Soul, and felt better already.

Then God explained that, in order to experience anything at all, the exact opposite of it will appear. "It is a great gift," God said, "because without it, you could not know what anything is like. You could not know Warm without Cold, Up without Down, Fast without Slow. You could not know Left without Right, Here without There, Now without Then."

"And so," God concluded, "when you are surrounded with darkness, do not shake your fist and raise your voice and curse the darkness. Rather be a Light unto the darkness, and don't be mad about it. Then you will know Who You Really Are, and all others will know, too. Let your Light shine so that everyone will know how special you are!"

"You mean it's okay to let others see how special I am?" asked the Little Soul.

"Of course!" God chuckled. "It's very okay! But remember, 'special' does not mean 'better'. Everybody is special, each in their own way! Yet many others have forgotten that. They will see that it is okay for them to be special only when you see that it is okay for you to be special."

"Wow," said the Little Soul, dancing and skipping and laughing and jumping with joy. "I can be as special as I want to be!"

"Yes, and you can start right now," said God, who was dancing and skipping and laughing right along with the Little Soul.

"What part of special do you want to be?"

"What part of special?" the Little Soul repeated. "I don't understand."

"Well," God explained, "being the Light is being special, and being special has a lot of parts to it. It is special to be kind. It is special to be gentle. It is special to be creative. It is special to be patient. Can you think of any other ways it is special to be?"

The Little Soul sat quietly for a moment. "I can think of lots of ways to be special!" the Little Soul then exclaimed. "It is special to be helpful. It is special to be sharing. It is special to be friendly. It is special to be considerate of others!"

"Yes!" God agreed, "and you can be all of those things, or any part of special you wish to be, at any moment. That's what it means to be the Light."

"I know what I want to be, I know what I want to be!" the Little Soul announced with great excitement. "I want to be the part of special called 'forgiving'. Isn't it special to be forgiving?"

"Oh, yes," God assured the Little Soul. "That is very special."

"Okay," said the Little Soul. "That's what I want to be. I want to be forgiving. I want to experience myself as that."

"Good," said God, "but there's one thing you should know."

The Little Soul was becoming a bit impatient now. It always seemed as though there were some complication.

"What is it?" the Little Soul sighed.

"There is no one to forgive."

"No one?" The Little Soul could hardly believe what had been said.

"No one!" God repeated. "Everything I have made is perfect. There is not a single soul in all creation less perfect than you. Look around you."

It was then that the Little Soul realized a large crowd had gathered. Souls had come from far and wide ~ from all over the Kingdom ~ for the word had gone forth that the Little Soul was having this extraordinary conversation with God, and everyone wanted to hear what they were saying. Looking at the countless other souls gathered there, the Little Soul had to agree. None appeared less wonderful, less magnificent, or less perfect than the Little Soul itself. Such was the wonder of the souls gathered around, and so bright was their Light, that the Little Soul could scarcely gaze upon them.

"Who, then, to forgive?" asked God.

"Boy, this is going to be no fun at all!" grumbled the Little Soul. "I wanted to experience myself as One Who Forgives. I wanted to know what that part of special felt like."

And the Little Soul learned what it must feel like to be sad. But just then a Friendly Soul stepped forward from the crowd.

"Not to worry, Little Soul," the Friendly Soul said, "I will help you."

"You will?" the Little Soul brightened. "But what can you do?"

"Why, I can give you someone to forgive!"

"You can?"

"Certainly!" chirped the Friendly Soul. "I can come into your next lifetime and do something for you to forgive."

"But why? Why would you do that?" the Little Soul asked. "You, who are a Being of such utter perfection! You, who vibrate with such a speed that it creates a Light so bright that I can hardly gaze upon you! What could cause you to want to slow down your vibration to such a speed that your bright Light would become dark and dense? What could cause you ~ who are so light that you dance upon the stars and move through the Kingdom with the speed of your thought–to come into my life and make yourself so heavy that you could do this bad thing?"

"Simple," the Friendly Soul said. "I would do it because I love you."

The Little Soul seemed surprised at the answer.

"Don't be so amazed," said the Friendly Soul, "you have done the same thing for me. Don't you remember? Oh, we have danced together, you and I, many times. Through the eons and across all the ages have we danced. Across all time and in many places have we played together. You just don't remember."

"We have both been All Of It. We have been the Up and the Down of it, the Left and the Right of it. We have been the Here and the There of it, the Now and the Then of it. We have been the male and the female, the good and the bad; we have both been the victim and the villain of it."

"Thus have we come together, you and I, many times before; each bringing to the other the exact and perfect opportunity to Express and to Experience Who We Really Are. And so," the Friendly Soul explained further, "I will come into your next lifetime and be the ‘bad one' this time. I will do something really terrible, and then you can experience yourself as the One Who Forgives.

"But what will you do?" the Little Soul asked, just a little nervously, "that will be so terrible?"

"Oh," replied the Friendly Soul with a twinkle, "we'll think of something."

Then the Friendly Soul seemed to turn serious, and said in a quiet voice, "You are right about one thing, you know."

"What is that?" the Little Soul wanted to know.

"I will have to slow down my vibration and become very heavy to do this not-so-nice thing. I will have to pretend to be something very unlike myself. And so, I have but one favour to ask of you in return."

"Oh, anything, anything!" cried the Little Soul, and began to dance and sing, "I get to be forgiving, I get to be forgiving!"

Then the Little Soul saw that the Friendly Soul was remaining very quiet.

"What is it?" the Little Soul asked. "What can I do for you? You are such an angel to be willing to do this for me!"

"Of course this Friendly Soul is an angel!" God interrupted. "Everyone is! Always remember: I have sent you nothing but angels."

And so the Little Soul wanted more than ever to grant the Friendly Soul's request. "What can I do for you?" the Little Soul asked again.

"In the moment that I strike you and smite you," the Friendly Soul replied, "in the moment that I do the worst to you that you could possible imagine ~ in that very moment..."

"Yes?" the Little Soul interrupted, "yes...?" "Remember Who I Really Am."

"Oh, I will!" cried the Little Soul, "I promise! I will always remember you as I see you right here, right now!"

"Good," said the Friendly Soul, "because, you see, I will have been pretending so hard, I will have forgotten myself. And if you do not remember me as I really am, I may not be able to remember for a very long time. And if I forget Who I Am, you may even forget Who You Are, and we will both be lost. Then we will need another soul to come along and remind us both of Who We Are."

"No, we won't!" the Little Soul promised again. "I will remember you! And I will thank you for bringing me this gift ~ the chance to experience myself as Who I Am."

And so, the agreement was made. And the Little Soul went forth into a new lifetime, excited to be the Light, which was very special, and excited to be that part of special called Forgiveness.

And the Little Soul waited anxiously to be able to experience itself as Forgiveness, and to thank whatever other soul made it possible. And at all the moments in that new lifetime, whenever a new soul appeared on the scene, whether that new soul brought joy or sadness–and especially if it brought sadness–the Little Soul thought of what God had said.

"Always remember," God had smiled, "I have sent you nothing but angels."



Source: "Conversations With God" by Neale Donald Walsch
taken from http://www.jenseits-de.org



Title: Re: Seeking guidance
Post by Nanner on Dec 20th, 2007 at 5:22pm
Love letter to Linh


My dearest soul, though miles a part,
I reach for you straight from my heart,
dispair will come,
your load may weigh,
Soul Experiencing is what its called,
you named it "living a life" today.

The love you give is never wasted you see,
anger - hate - tears - fear - care
all are precious emotions, I gave to thee.

You may choose the ones you want,
at any given moment of the day,
For free will I implanted to secure
your lifes beautiful and unique way


Hey Linh,
I just wrote that poem for 2 seconds ago. And I am glad that the story called "Tiny little Soul" did for you, what it did for me a while back. The story is very true and it is the beginning of a wonderful journey for you now that you understood what it means. Read the story again to yourself and consider me "to be the 3rd tiny little soul whom reminds you of who you really are".. For theres a part in the story which is missing:
At the end it mentions that there are always 3 parts in a souls adventure, the agressor, the victum and a tiny little soul that has the responsibility to remind both others of whom they really are when things get tough, and if you look back into your life, there has always been another tiny little soul whom tries to remind you, that your light shines as bright as every other light there is.

We are all "tiny little souls"...

I love you,
Nanner

Title: Re: Seeking guidance
Post by Nanner on Dec 20th, 2007 at 5:51pm
Nanners on a role again.  ;)

Lihn,
first let me make a small but impactful comment about something you said in your thread:
...are just like Christians where they say, "if you don't believe, something bad will happen to you (i.e hell or becoming a pig in your next life)

Heres a "did you know" for you: Well, if and when the world turns vergaterian, I mean all of em okay, then Nanner is coming back as a pig. Why? Because a recent scientific study shows that pigs have an orgasim up to 30 min!... I DO NOT CARE WHICH ONE OF YOU TRY TO TELL ME DIFFERENT NOW, BUT IS THAT NOT LIKE BEING IN HEAVEN? I will be an oinker as soon as the world turns vegetarien - period!

;)


Title: Re: Seeking guidance
Post by Linh on Dec 20th, 2007 at 6:31pm
Nanner you are goofy...

30 minute orgasm sounds pretty powerful! I bet the pig is exhausted at the end of it. WHEW! Gotta tell my husband who is already jealous of the fact that women can have multiple orgasms.  Maybe he would like to follow you and be a pig, too.   ;D


Title: Re: Seeking guidance
Post by Old Dood on Dec 20th, 2007 at 6:52pm
Hmm...that reminds me of one of my favorite Homer Simpson quotes:  "Ummmmm....Makin' Bacon on the Beach....ummmmmm"  ;D

Title: Re: Seeking guidance
Post by Nanner on Dec 20th, 2007 at 7:55pm
Yes Linh  :D I certainly am, however the "pig" seems to always have dirty thoughts or otherwise it would`nt wollow in the mud all the time!  :D It made you laugh and thats all that counts. Right now, right here and everything you do dear, do it with love and consciousness.
Consider yourself hugged,
Nanner

-------------------------------------------

Ole Dood, I bet you hadn`t heard that one yet had ya, and they say you can`t teach an ole dog new ....huh...Like that Homer one too, I laugh everytime I hear him say that..thanks for the reminder. ;)

Title: Re: Seeking guidance
Post by blink on Dec 20th, 2007 at 8:01pm
That reminds me of all the cats I've ever loved before....

(oh, god, will I be able to finish this...now I've got Willie Nelson's song, "All The Girls I've Loved Before" going through my head)

You know how a happy, contented cat uses his claws on you when he sits on your lap? Some people like to call that "making biscuits," but at least that kind of cooking might leave a different kind of bun in the oven!

love, blink :)


Title: Re: Seeking guidance
Post by Nanner on Dec 20th, 2007 at 8:12pm
ROFL Blink - your a trip!...lol... Good ole Willi... I wish you wouldnt have done that Blink, now I`ve got it tooo!

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