From the day my grandmother passed (nearly two months ago), I sometimes have strange feelings of somebody being around me, you surely now the movie "Poltergeist", remember the scene where Diane went down the stairs and felt Carol Anne going "through her heart", later she was able to smell her. I know it is just a fictional movie, and Carol Anne is not dead, only captured in another dimension, still able to contact her family through the tv set.

But what I found very strange, since the day grandma was buried (before she was buried, I have seen her a last time, not prepared in a coffin but lying on her bed, so to say without a smile on her face, rather a mix of excitement and fear.)  , I sometimes have the feeling she is very close to me, it is sometimes like someone puts his hands on my shoulder (especially when i feel my world tears apart, I have to add that i screwed my highshool exams, the fear of failing was so big, I could not bear and overcome it and was totally dumped...so I hope that the practical training, that i have to do now, to get the permission to study electronical engineering, works, otherwise my career is over before it started... moments like this, and it is always like she is  sort of a guiding angel...I lost my faith in religion, having in mind so many well known people passed, my parents own a baker's shop so it is not avoidable to know most of the older people from a small town  ...nevertheless, I had a hard time accepting that I have to die what actually ment for me being ceased to exist, I was taught it in school, my parents taught me so, and even the closer look into brainfunctions does not state much hope for surviving physical death...but this kind of thoughts appeared at the age of 15, everything just sucked, and facing that I am to be ceased to exist, life seemed just like a bad joke, with deadly ending, nothing positive could convince me, not friends, not the fact, that school worked very well (it was the only thing i was good at, learning...) , not flowers, or the nature, when I went in the nature, I just thought another 60 years and you crappity smacking rot in this green hell, and nobody will ever remember that you have even taken one breath... ) , like trying to say "don't worry, I am now with the lord (she was a believer). And one time I also had this strange feeling of someone going "through" my heart, and what I also found kind of frightening, for this short moment of the appearence (maybe it was her non-physical entity) it smells like it smelled in her room. But later analyzing this appearence, I came back to what logic would tell: disfunction, hallucination. It was first like, wow, a sign form above, but later I comforted myself with the argument, that it was a type of medicine-hallucination, I read an article about medicine-dreams, saying that grieving/mourning ("trauernde") people often dream of their beloved, passed relatives or get weird signs, made up by the brain for comforting themselves to be able to go on with their lifes. Remember the scene of Poltergeist I mentioned before, I made the conclusion that I only had that appearence because that was the scene I loved so incredibly, and so me, having the same kind of appearence could only be a fiction, a trick played by my mind, even if I felt it was so real the moment it happened.

The thing that was like a punch in the face, was, while I was reading a book about electronical engineering (preparing for the next round... ;) ) I was looking up from the book, because it was like someone was sitting next to me on a couch, I saw something what really shocked me (keep in mind, that I am not very good at having faith in something, be it others, religion, life or whatsoever, as long as there is no proof). It seemed like my passed grandmother sitting next to me on a couch, I could see her face, smiling at me ( The only time I felt realy "at home" somewhere was when I visited my grandmother, I have been a lot with her when I was a little child, and this comforting smile always gave me inner peace, even as a teenager, when you try not to be so much around people not being at the same age. Even if I am not that religious, this grace and expression of being satisfied , that I felt when seeing her, I only felt when a was looking at pictures or statues of Buddha or maybe the Jesus picture, that used to hang on the wall over her pillow)
Around her there was a type of aura, golden, she was shining, but her smile was the brightest spark (omg, sounds like a trip, but I have never done drugs....) .

First, I was sure, that it was something from above, that tried to reveal his essence, but thinking over and over again about this, it just cannot be real... . Some part in my head goes like : "It is a divine appearence"
the other like "It's just a trick of your mind, don't mind". I am only confused about the whole situation, it seems to makes not the slightest sense at all.... .

Now having told you a little about the entity, and a little too much about how I feel, and little about how it changed my view (but this change seems also to fade)

pulsar

Hello Pulsar:

It can take time to become fully convinced that we've actually made contact with spirits.  This is because the part of our mind that doesn't understand what happens when we make contact with a spiritual presence, tries to chime in with its lack of knowing AFTER THE FACT.

Bruce Moen expresses this well in his early books. Took a while for him to be fully convinced about what he experienced. The same thing happened with me. It took a while before the doubtful part of my mind was put in its place, even though the experiences I had were so certain as I had them.

In a way, it is good we are stubborn in this way. If we weren't,  our minds would be too flimsy and from day to day we would be a completely different person.

You might check out the book "Hello from heaven." It has a number of stories where people experienced the presence of a deceased love one as you did with your grandma.

Regarding losing interest in religion, I've found through experience that God and Christ exist in a manner that is beyond the parameters sometimes defined by religion. The most important parameter is to live according to love.

Hello recoverer,

thank you for your post, you are surely right concerning the "patience-issue", sometimes it takes a while to get through things.  ;D

I will check out the book Hello from Heaven (thank you for recommending it!) as well as the ones Bruce wrote, hoping they will bring me closer to the "something-more", I always felt being all around (but sometimes it feels easier to deny it, probably a big mistake).

Organized religion, or the different understanding of what can be stated as the divine principle what we can find in various religious groups seems to be put in the background (sorry to see that), people are more arguing what is the right path to be near the divine, not seeing that it is the same thing they are all looking for, so you are right, it should not be limited to outlooks on something, the feeling of love (what seems to be the strongest point of the divine) should be the principle to follow.

Love,

pulsar

Greetings Pulsar,

I'm very happy for you that you have the sensitivity to perceive your grandmother in spirit! Perhaps her smile is so reassuring because she is enjoying your attempt to believe  ;)  while simultaeously grappling with un-knowing---and she knows eventually you will accept her, as she is---in spirit.

Many of us who once had your viewpoint were not so fortunate to get such home visits as your grandmother provides--we had to go out and rustle up our own inhabitants of the afterlife!  :D
When you check out Bruce's books and follow the program set up in Afterlife Knowledge Guidebook, you will also know.  (I heard that electrical engineers are some of the most spiritually sensitive engineers ( ;) sorry, Bruce), due to their understanding and acceptance of the powers of relatively invisible energy. So I expect you will progress quickly.

This word "trauernde" looks beautiful ! Could you write it out as it sounds in English? Does it have Oh sounds?  Maybe if we collected words about spirit from a variety of languages, we could find enough to speak more clearly on what we experience; English certainly doesn't have enough.(You are in Germany but you speak english so well; is English your family's language?)

Love, Bets

Puslar, Non verbal communication from those not in the physical can be difficult to understand a lot of the time. Perhaps you seeing a scene from the movie "poltergeist" was this sort of communication. By showing you this scene helps you to understand that there is communication from over there and then putting the picture of your smiling Grandmother in your mind. For me that would be most comforting to see that she is happy and just fine where she is. And her to be showing her love to you is such a nice thing.

Greetings betson and hawkeye,

thank you for your posts  ::)

Bets, you are right saying it is fortune to get such a nice "Hello from Heaven". I think it's a pity that I still deny it  :'(... it always feels like she is searching contact (even after this 2 months I still have the feeling of her being around me), but sometimes I just don't know what I could tell her....but it is surely the first step on the journey into the world beyond. I am so happy that she seems to go on well, and has no painstaking.

Within the next three weeks I think it is possible to get my copy of the Afterlife Knowledge Guidebook, amazon.de said so. But I will stay tuned and try to make progress on this issue, the "laughing rain" told me so...  ;D

If I got you right, you would like to know similar sounding english letters to be able to spell the word, right?
"trauernde" t remains the same, you could try while speaking not to "roll" the r, au would sound like ow in "drowning", the e after au like the one in them, the next r like the first one,  nd also remain the same, last but not least the e at the end, it would sound like the one in "the" e.g. flat e like in "the flood", not stressed like in "the apple". That would be how to spell this one in english, the meaning of it is mourining (I should have told it before)
I hope that is what you wanted to know, if not, just tell me ;)

Yes, then the thing with the English language, we were taught it in elementary school since 3rd grade (without marks, it was just like a "giveaway" from the school to us), from grade 7-10, we had the possibility (it was in the middleschool, wich goes from grade 5-10), to choose bilingual lessons, at first in history, the next time in geographie, the last two years were business english. In highschool, grade 11-13, we did more literature work, like on About a boy, Forrest Gump, Macbeth, 1984. Also texts about the US government, history, british monarchy and social structure and the aboriginal culture.
What helped most to push the vocabulary to a "higher level", poetry and english songs using metaphors, so to say "talking in pictures", were great. English lessons were so to say more alive, and different opinions were more acceptet than in the German lessons, where we almost ended up in questions like "Who was first? Chicken or egg".... and if it came to religious topics, it ended like "all believers are morons", have to add that our teacher was lets call it a socialist democrat, who was full convinced of the non-existence of god, remember Marx once said that religion is the opiate for the masses... :)

Hey hawkeye! Never thought about that this scene from a fictional movie could have been something like a hint to nonverbal communication, I wonder if the scene in part II, where the grandmother died, which I watched also a few times, this two movies were the ones, that I watched more often than the others I own, could have been also a hint, I don't want to say prediction, that is kind of too much out of the blue.
But I agree with you, since I watched this ones more often, I began to be interested in afterlife research, strange, because I don't know how I came from the movie to that topic, maybe the hope arose again. ;)
I make just slow progress in believing that this actually happened, but the more I think over it again and again, the more I do believe that she is happy, I am very comforted through this, because the last time I saw her body on her bed, there was no smile, it was just horrible how helpless (a strange combination of fear and excitement) she looked there (there was the possibility to see her prepared in her coffin, but I had not the balls to do so, I rather thought about what I could tell her, after the coffin would have been lifted into the grave.)

She appearing to me and showing her love, often reminds me of the times being a child and spending time with her, playing, taking a walk, or listening to the lp-player. Sometimes it feels like the two of us taking a walk together, since she sometimes seems to be closer than I can imagine, so I should not refuse it anymore. Thank you for your thoughts on it, I never came to a conclusion like that. ::)

What else could I say than be love your guide, and again thanks for sharing thoughts!

Love,

pulsar

Hallo Pulsar,
nice visit you got. If you don't know what to talk to your grandma, send her a smile, you don't have to actually smile, but send the FEELING of a smile to her. That's a good opener. Once you have started that way, it would become easier to send some more thoughts until you have some sort of conversation. You probably will often say to yourself how childish you are to "invent" such conversations, but that's the way things going- you might get an information which could serve as a proof for you that it's more than just made up.

You're going to work in a technical/natural science field, and our beliefs are already heavily influenced by natural science. Nothing against science, but don't let yourself fool by that sort of scientists who are making a religion out of it. I always say in the brain there are many things, but no one ever has found a thought in it. I want to say physical categories are often confused with mind-experience-categories, which is not correct for science's sake! Science, as everything, is in our minds. Good for some things, but not for everything.

Btw, I started to study electric engineering so that I would be able to build guitar amps- well after half a year I changed for philosophy lol. I just want to say, do what you have fun with, what you like. In the end it's the best. (Now I solder still guitar amps, without being an engineer lol, it's just a hobby and spares some money)

Spooky

Hey spooky,

its a good idea to start an emotional exchange, as words have no real meaning, they are a good talking device (yes, analizing words is a science itself...;) ), but where there are not words, emotions can explain more. In case, one is not like "seeing is believing".
That is the hurdle to take, as science became sort of a religion to me, where fact is faith, not faith into "the more in life". As I started becoming interested in electrical and mechanical items, it was the non-human aspect that counted, it just worked without emotions, if broken, parts can be removed, and it works fine again, without complaining. But that changed, and thank god that it has changed!!! (Otherwise I think I would have endet up like homo faber...), it's more like "making life easier", and not ruling life.

Trying to get closer to grandma, the emotions got stronger, but it is sort of a magnet, changing its polarity when being the closest.

Yes, the afterlife has to be something like thinking out of the box ( so life not ending up in feeding the worms)

Love,

pulsar