The past four years of my life have been harder than I ever could have imagined. Growing up I was always shy and timid, but it wasn't until my freshmen year of high school that things really went down hill. My mental health plummeted. Physically my body was shutting down because of stress. Eventually my parents and I couldn't take it anymore and we resorted to home schooling, hoping it would give us time to get things patched up. That didn't happen.

As for the next four years of my life, I was alone, in my room, sitting at my computer. Literally. I was too afraid to leave my house. My parents would try to drag me out and I'd tell them I was happy being alone and completely content in my room. They eventually gave up and things got even worse. Now I am approaching the end of high school and things are worse than ever.

So, why am I even telling you all of this?

Well, just a few months ago I was contemplating taking my own life but decided not to, at the last moment, out of respect and care for my family; however, being that close to death made me think about a lot of things.

I have desperately been trying to find a religion, but sadly I have found none that fit my desires. I know a lot of people switch over to agnostic and compile their own beliefs, but I have gone that route too long and need a sense of community. Buddhism has been the closest match thus far, but I feel very disconnected from their manner of worship. Christianity was what I was raised with, but there are too many radicals, finger pointers, and conspiracies that surround it.

What I am looking for is a religion that doesn't point fingers and condemn. Something that respects nature and human life. One that embraces science and focuses on finding wellness.

Do any of you have advice on finding the right religion?

I am so weak and confused at this point.
I need a way out, or some answers or something.

Thanks for your time,
Sam

-The past four years of my life have been harder than I ever could have imagined. Growing up I was always shy and timid, but it wasn't until my freshmen year of high school that things really went down hill.
-Well, just a few months ago I was contemplating taking my own life but decided not to, at the last moment, out of respect and care for my family; however, being that close to death made me think about a lot of things.
*****************
Well, you're still young, pal - or at least you sound so. I'd sacrifice a LOT
to be de-aged down to where you're at. You've got lots of time still.
So, what am I saying? I guess, just hang in there. Chances are things
WILL get better for you. (Wait to commit suicide until you're an old fartknocker like me (over 35); AND that's assuming things don't get
better for you before then, which IS possible but unlikely. Also you're free to make that choice, IMHO, if you are diagnosed with schizophrenia or something equally life-ending and incurable (you DID mention your mental health is a bit squirrelly, right?) But otherwise, I don't think you wanna go there! Should you end up facing some sort of judgement in the hereafter for suiciding, you want at least to be able to say, that you gave living every chance - and didn't snuff yourself until you knew all your possibilities were gone.)
Good luck,

B-man

Hey there Chum and hello Sam

I understand how you feel Sam and if I may reply to the best of my knowledge of what has helped me stay afloat.

These two words : positive thinking.  I believe in the power of positive thinking.

I think one of the most exciting things in life is tuning into the positive universal mind.  There is some sort of divine magic which happens when you do this even if it just means simple happiness in the way we view life.

Saying to yourself often; I will succeed in anything I do – attracts this thought to you and you will succeed in anything you do.

If one had to say often to oneself;  I’m useless, I am not going to succeed – then the same will be attracted to oneself and one will not succeed.

Saying positive affirmations all the time and believing in them (that is have no doubt) really works in attracting what you need in life to be successful and happy.

I also believe in Angels and I believe Angels help us achieve our goals and help us tune into all that is good so we may view life through positive eyes, positive heart and a positive frame of mind.

Angels are our helpers and they want to help us; we just have to ask them.  Here is how we tune into our Angels.

Ask – them to be with you and ask for what you need – pass exams, a better life, love, a car, a job, strength, food.  They know what you need; ask.

Believe – that they are with you and believe you will receive what you have asked for in the name of your goodness.

Let it happen – keep positive and watchful on events that start happening in your life making way for what you need.  

Thank you – saying thank you acknowledges you believe it will happen.

Also; here are Archangels who help when they are asked in the power of positive thinking.

Michael
From Hebrew, his name means ‘Who is like God’.  Michael battles evil, challenges people who have evil or negative intentions, and helps people open up to new ways of thinking, bringing courage for spiritual experiences.

Raphael
This archangel’s name means ‘God has overcome’.  He works with healers and artists and is helpful to creative souls.  Messages from Raphael may help you to focus on creating a space of beauty, a recognition of the beauty that surrounds you, and the healing energy that comes from embracing such beauty.

Gabriel
Most often associated with a trumpet, his name means ‘Man of God’.  Gabriel announces God’s plans and actions.  He brought forth the news of Jesus.  He will tell you about your path and purpose and will send help to complete your mission.

Uriel
‘Fire of God’.  Archangel of Prophecy.  Uriel helps you complete your goals and your life missions.  If you get off-center while on your spiritual path, you can expect new thoughts and transforming ideas from Uriel.

Haniel
‘Mercy of God’.  The nicest things of life are watched over by Haniel.  Beauty, love, happiness, pleasure and harmony are his domain.

Raziel
‘Secret of God’.  Archangel of Mysteries.  Questions and mysteries encountered while on our spiritual journey inspire us to dig deeper in search of divine knowledge.  As we seek, Raziel may come through with inspirations and ideas that unlock the truths we are seeking.

Auriel
‘Light of God’.  The angel most closely associated with our future and our purpose and goals.

These are the Higher Angels besides our guardian angels who love us unconditionally and want to help us.

Hope this helps you Sam as much as it helps me.  
Lots of good vibrations  :)

Hi Fetography,

I'm glad you are here in our little community.  

I remember being your age....I'm 46 now. I had a terribly rough time in high school emotionally even though people deemed me a "success" and I struggled with depression even worse after I left home.  I also did not have a firmly established sense of self or a belief system I felt I could trust.  I'm lucky I made it.

Anyway, this is not an easy world to grow up in, and never has been. I think it is important to remember that your mind and body have not finished their work...the structures of your mind are still evolving.

This is a tremendous opportunity for you to use if you would like to do so.  I suggest that you seek out the most positive guided meditations you can find online.  Amazon.com has lots of them these days.  I would be willing to send you a couple of my own if you would like.  I have built up a very large collection over the years.

Use meditation DAILY.  If you can afford to get a small collection it will help to vary your experiences.  This kind of mind work is invaluable and can actually reshape your thoughts and feelings on a daily basis and the best part is that you are in control of when you use them.

First thing in the morning and before bed are good, or when you are tired or stressed.

Get meditations which focus on confidence, relationships, creativity and success, your relationship with your higher self, etc.  I think Kelly Howell's guided meditations are excellent.  But there are SO many styles and you can find what works best for you.  They can be exciting and healing journeys you take in your own mind which can balance your emotions and thoughts....and in time your outer life WILL reflect your inner work.

A physician might help too. Maybe you have an anxiety condition which can be helped with medication, but I would be very careful about this at your age.  Your mind and body are still growing and evolving.  Strengthening and using the body with physical exercise are also excellent, as well as paying special attention to your nutrition.  Mind and body work together.

The thing is, you can do it. You can have a full life, and you can experience much more than you can imagine at this time of your life.

I just want you to know I've been there. More than once....because you don't go out there into the "ring" without being knocked down a few times.  You just have to get back up and try again.

The thing about depression and "phobias" is that the only way to beat them is to face them down.  

Be as KIND to yourself as possible and keep your reading and thoughts on positive things as much as you can.  Don't let this world fill your head with negativity.  You can find your way.

Religion? Well....I think that as you allow yourself to grow and experience more of life, and continue to study you will find a belief system that works for you.  Have you read the Tao te Ching?  I think it is full of wisdom and it is a philosophy which does not require "practices," however it will allow you to take a look around you with a different perspective.  There are many versions and the one I like is a pocket version by Stephen Mitchell.  These are short pieces to meditate on, and can help you with the concepts of "letting go" and "nonaction" in a positive way.

Also, all poetry and nature itself are wonderful sources of inspiration.  When you can feel the flow of your own life energy moving you forward on your path, and you are at one with it, you will feel the sacred all around you and religion will not be necessary, unless you want it.

Remember that there are tools and people to help you with ANY obstacle you face.  You have support from the universe that you are not yet aware of....but you will be.

And we're here....stay for a while if you like it here and you'll find some interesting conversations and have a laugh once in a while. You could learn to retrieve lost souls from the information here from Bruce Moen if you want.

Those who have suffered greatly know what suffering really is......and can grow into the most compassionate of people who may bring very special gifts to this world.  I am sure you are one of them.

love, blink :)

Sam,

Welcome to the board.  I believe Blink has given you great advice.  Sometimes we feel that our situations are hopeless or unchangeable - and that type of thinking leads to despair.  In reality, change is all around us, and change for the better can be a matter of setting your intent to make it happen.  When you learn and realize that your thought and intent really do create your reallity, it can be an empowering change in your life.  You may think about it and say "well I didn't wish to create my current reality through thought, so how does this work?"   Introspection will often show you that you may have indulged in certain ways of thinking which sent a signal out to the universe and became manifest in your life.  I have two short texts for you to consider about this.  One was written in the 1800s by a man named James Allen called "As a man thinketh."  Its an easy read (about 30 pages), and can give you clues about how this all works.  I have other references for you including a free online movie that we've spoken about on this board called "The Secret," which discusses the universal law of attraction.  This deals with ways in which we attract certain situations and events into our lives either consciously or unconsciously.  PM me if you want the references.

We are not here to suffer, and while many of us have learned from suffering, how we see our personal situations is a matter of choice.  Some see themselves as a leaf being buffeted about helplessly in the wind, others have direction and are captain's of their own ships, so to speak.  The difference between feeling lost and hopeless, or directed and hopeful is in understanding that you have a choice.  You can direct your thoughts and intentions; by doing so things can and will change for the better.  

What many explorers such as Bruce Moen from this site have found is that love truly is the guiding force of the universe.  That means there is help from others for you.  Suicide is never an answer, as it harms yourself and your loved ones, and since we believe consciousness continues after death, it leaves one's spirit broken, albeit without a body.  Ask for help.  Make positive decisions and state your intentions.  A good way to do this is to relax just before going to sleep, and state what you want to see happen and change in your life.  You should be relaxed and have no distractions.  Many have found that this way of "sleeping on it," is a good initial way to learn about focusing your intent.

Please feel free to PM me, and to ask for help from any of us on the board.  We do care.

Matthew

Hi Sam,

Welcome!  Glad you found your way here.  You'll find a lot of help here.  Matthew's right, we do care.  It's true for anyone in life, as you help others along you help yourself as well, so in this way we're all learning and growing together.  

Take the advice from Blink about meditating and Matthew about utilizing your own thoughts and intentions, and in this way you will discover that "religion" you're looking for.  I'm not saying there isn't one out there that's right for you, but I think it's important for you to search within yourself (and continue to research outside yourself) what kinds of beliefs you have, what kinds of beliefs you want to have, what burning questions are there you most want to find answers to, and so on.  By taking all this in together--searching your thoughts, asking those burning questions, meditating, and paying attention to your thoughts and intentions you will undoubtedly begin seeing positive changes in your life.  You will begin to see how your thoughts really do play a role in your experience.  

Please also take time to read the links at the top of this site.  There's a lot of wonderful information there, and it may help direct you in your search for answers.  

Love,
Vicky

I know when I was very depressed, in middle of night , I called out to GOD and really laid into him, telling HIM , that I didn't think he answered prayer, that all I saw was a depressing world, and people seemed so phony, and I couldn't really relate to anyone.

I told GOD that WISE people said you were LOVING but I didn't see it, everything seemed GLOOMY to me and religious people seemed "phony and like salesmen", BUT if you really exist, I surrender, and I give you permission to "re-arrange my mind" , so I see the Universe the way you created it.

I said to GOD, you can turn me into "puppet" if you want, because seeing the Universe in DARK Gloomy way sucked.

Also, since I was asking God directly in as honest and sincere way as possible, if HE didn't answer my PRAYER I would tell everyone "God sucks and doesn't answer prayer" ... but if HE did Answer my PRAYER, I would tell others that "GOD answers PRAYER".

Within a week, I had to start telling people that God does Answer Prayer.  It was weird feeling being POSITIVE about God, and I did start to see "Light or Color" in the world that use to feel so Dark and Negative to me.  

Interesting you are on OOB board, but if you can come through your DARK night of SOUL, I can see you being very HELPFUL to "others" that are in ASTRAL realm, and would be able to talk to them from experience and "walk them out of their DARKNESS".    

Greetings Fetography,

I too had some rough years. I suspect that you, like many people here, are very sensitive to lots of energies that some people can't pick up, like other people's moods, beauty and ugliness, etc.
Is there a pleasant bit of nature near you, a corner of your yard, a park or empty lot near you where you could sit quietly for a change of scenery?
Have you read the essays the site host Bruce Moen has listed at the top of these pages?
Do you have other questions you could post here to start discussions with some people new to you, to continue some dialogues?
These three suggestions are safe and caring ways for you to provide a change in your environment and let you connect with some new stimulation. Now that you have taken the first steps by being here, don't stop now!
Bets
PS If you have any interest in photography, sketching, cartooning, art,  I'd be happy to discuss those areas with you too---just PM me re: your interests.

 Hi there Fetography, just wanted to add to all the other great advice already given that i think that the right religion or belief system is the one which is both most helpful to the individual and to those surrounding the individual who believes in it.  Meaning, if its not constructive to both self, and through self to others, then its probably not a good thing to hold as an ideal.  

 Don't really think the name matters that much either.  Many religions and spiritual belief systems have the same or similar core, and if these are sincerely lived rather than just being a set of beliefs, then they will probably help.

 And please consider, and keep in mind that you are a beautiful part of God/Source, just as worthy and beautiful as any other part, and that you are loved beyond belief by Source just as we all are.  

 Also, i don't know if this applies to you or not, but having been in deep depression for many years as well, i found that part of it was very physically caused and based, as well as attitude and spiritual.  In short, my body was very imbalanced and toxin filled.

 After changing my diet and health habits a lot--which helped to clean out and re-balance my system, along with regular physical exercise and along with meditation, prayer, and other spiritual practices, i started to gradually but surely feel a lot better.    

 So, if you feel at all moved to, i would recommend looking into alternative and holistic health concepts and info along these lines about diet.   Again, i can only speak from experience, and this helped me a lot in feeling consistently better.    Like attracts and begets like, and so we have to treat issues and imbalances from whence they originate.   Sometimes we think its more purely a mind and emotional thing, and while that often is part of it, sometimes it's rather physical too.

Hello Sam:

I can understand how you feel about Fundamentalist Christianity.  However, I've found that Christ isn't accurately defined by fundamentalist viewpoints. Below is what I wrote on another thread.

I used to believe as some of the people on this forum believe; when it came to Christ I thought in terms of fundamentalism.

I started to receive messages from the spirit World about two years ago, and about a year ago I started to receive messages such as "accept Christ." This troubled me because like some other posters on this forum when the subject of Christ would come up I would become uncomfortable and start to look for spit balls to throw.  

Fortunately, I didn't keep my mind and heart completely closed to the matter of Christ. One day while going for a walk I spoke to God (I didn't hear him reply), and I said "If Christ is a significant part of your divine plan then I'm all for him, because your divine plan is important to me. But I can't assume that Christ is a part of your divine plan simply because a book states that he is, because I would be asserting this to myself, and this would be dishonest."

One night I woke up and I was shown a crucifix. I asked why. I was shown an image and received some thoughts which stated: "They killed him (Christ), they put him on display, they spotted his reputation." Next I experienced myself pressing the highest C note on my piano. I understood this to mean that Christ is the highest consciousness there is.

After wards I received a number of other messages which stated that Christ is a significant part of God's divine plan. My post would be too long if I shared all of them. But here is one significant experience. One night I was reading an Elaine Pagels book. She wrote that the Gospel of Thomas speaks of Christ as if he was just another enlightened being like other enlightened beings; the gospels of Matthew, Mark and Luke speak of him as if he is a messenger of God; and the gospel of John speaks of him as he is the only begotten son, the first word, the light, he created the World for God, and then incarnated into the World so he could show the way.  

Before I went to sleep this night I prayed and asked for a dream which told me which version is true. In the middle of the night I woke up from a dream. I turned on my night lamp and grabbed my dream journal and a pen so I could take some notes. But then I saw a light flash.  I see spirits appear as starlike flashes of light quite often. I see them this way because this is how you see them when your energy is at your crown chakra,  and my energy is at my crown chakra most of the time. This flash of light was much bigger and much more powerful than any flash of light I've experienced before. It felt more real than the physical World. It felt divine. Even though I didn't see or hear him, I knew it was the presence of Christ. I decided to forget about my dream notes, put my dream journal and pen away, turned off my night lamp, and layed on my side. I was overcome with more energy than I had ever felt before, and I have awakened kundalini, which can be powerful at times. This energy worked on me for about 15 minutes in a manner that is beyond how kundalini works on you. My heart chakra expanded so it felt as if it encompased my entire upper body. The energy of Christ also worked on my three upper chakras. Ever since the energy flow from my heart chakra to  my crown chakra has been more alive and clean. I felt divine love, humility and grattitude towards Christ to an extent that was beyond what a belief system could create. Regarding the question I asked before I went to sleep, the feeling I got was that Christ can be in as many places as he wants to be. He is universal.

After the above experiences took place I started to reflect on my life and found that the series of experiences which began with the "Accept Christ" messages, weren't the first occasions on which I received Christ related messages. For example, about 29 years ago I had a night in heaven experience. I was an atheist at the time because I believed that science had all the answers. Nevertheless, during this experience I knew that God and the afterlife did in fact exist. Not only did I know that they existed, I completely understood how it was possible for them to exist without even having to think about it. It was a wonderful experience and the level of happiness I experienced was beyond the level of happiness that can be experienced in this World. It was such a relief.

To show you how stubborn I was at the time, when the experience ended I dismissed it as a dream. Boy was I disapointed. Years later, after not thinking about the experience at all, the memory of the experience came back to me. There are people who have had near death experiences who have had the same delayed memory syndrome.  The memory of this experience is more alive today than it was 27 years ago. One thing I recall is that during the experience I clearly understood that Christ is a major part of the grand scheme of things. I didn't see him during this experience, but the knowledge of his importance permeated the realm I was in.  

Some people might say that I experienced according to my beliefs. This isn't so because 1) I was an atheist at the time and completely didn't believe in the existence of God, Christ and the afterlife; 2) the manner in which I understood things was far deeper than what a belief system could create; and 3) at the end of the experience I saw a bright star flash and I knew this was a symbol for Christ.  Regarding the possibility that my mind created the above, in addition to what I just shared, there is no way that my mind could've created what I experienced, because what I experienced was far beyond anything I had experienced before.

There are a couple of other experiences I had before I received the accept Christ messages. Early on during my kundalini unfoldment process I was shown the image of a lifesize heavy metal rocker dude. I could see kundalini flowing within him.  He said he uses his kundalini for evil. Next I saw a lifesize demonic image of myself. Next I saw the face of Jesus Christ. I received the message if you're going to go through kundalini unfoldment process, make certain that you do so with Christ conciousness in mind.

On another occasion I was doing a retrievel while meditating. Suddenly the man I was trying to help stopped listening to me because across a bay an image of Christ appeared. Gold light spread out from Christ and filled the landscape I was experiencing. The man I tried to help floated accross the bay to where Christ was in a timeless manner. I say a timeless manner, because he traversed the distance accross the bay quickly, without having to float quickly. I had no expectation to see Christ during this experience, yet I did.

Recoverer

Loved what you wrote, I'm sure you are helping lot's in Astral and Physical Realm to be more OPEN about Christ.  

I myself have worked very hard to develop a vocabulary that doesn't turn people OFF to the very thing that can SAVE them.

I'm sure you are doing the same, from the way you write and the experiences you shared.

The important thing that is the most IMPORTANT thing is the OVER-whelming experience of LOVE-PEACE-JOY that flows into US when we sincerely are OPEN to it, and the words and pictures, etc, become secondary.  To me, since I have a "reference point" to how it feels to have that LOVE-PEACE-JOY flow into me, I KNOW that I can only KEEP it , as I Radiate it OUT to everything and everyone on any PLANE I go to.  

I also respect beings that are not ready for this Energy , but , boy oh boy, they sure don't know what they are missing! :)

Thank you richman:

I hear what you're saying.



richman wrote on May 3^rd, 2007 at 4:18pm:

Recoverer Loved what you wrote, I'm sure you are helping lot's in Astral and Physical Realm to be more OPEN about Christ.   I myself have worked very hard to develop a vocabulary that doesn't turn people OFF to the very thing that can SAVE them. I'm sure you are doing the same, from the way you write and the experiences you shared. The important thing that is the most IMPORTANT thing is the OVER-whelming experience of LOVE-PEACE-JOY that flows into US when we sincerely are OPEN to it, and the words and pictures, etc, become secondary.  To me, since I have a "reference point" to how it feels to have that LOVE-PEACE-JOY flow into me, I KNOW that I can only KEEP it , as I Radiate it OUT to everything and everyone on any PLANE I go to.   I also respect beings that are not ready for this Energy , but , boy oh boy, they sure don't know what they are missing! :)

Hi Sam,
meditation really helps. You can sit or lie. It has not to be the "think of nothing" or "void" meditation, although this is an aspect of it. There has to be something what you have to "do" in a meditation. Therefore, Blink is right, some guidance audio material is good. Meditation can include also to get close to, and/or ask for help and guidance, entities known for their service to manhood, like some famous religious figures. You are free to ask those, no one will get angry at you- quite the opposite I expect.
For me it did TheMonroeInstitute's Gateway Voyage (for home listening Gateway Experience). It changed my life. For others it were other (re)sources. But these kind of things can really change something. With luck, you then will find people who can give you what you need. The trick is, to believe that it IS possible to get a new outlook through meditation. Just pretend/make a game taking it for real what you get in meditation.

Spooky

Thanks you all so much for your support.

I'd reply to each of your posts in more detail, but even typing this message is a challenge due to how weak my body is right now. What I can say is that months back, when I was approaching what seemed to be the end of the cliff, I was in bed sobbing. At that point I was so broken and defeated that I thought I would never get out of bed again. The realization came that as soon as I lost my religion I lost my wellness. That night I gave every fiber of my being to Christ, I told him that I was his.

Things got a bit better, but after listening to my brother (who is an atheist) my faith weakened a bit. Soon I began watching documentaries on Christianity and could not support the faith at all. The nail in the coffin was when I turned on the religious channel to find a preacher shouting that some day "all hospitals will be Christian hospitals" and so forth. What I crave in organized religion is the community and support, what I hate is the corruption.

From that point on I didn't know who to pray to. Even worse, I was afraid that maybe Christ really is God and that I had denied him. That's one thing I hate about Christianity...they scare the crap out of you...

I am afraid that I am disrespecting God by praying to him not knowing who he is.

Regarding some statements and questions posted:
I currently have agoraphobia, panic disorder, social anxiety, generalized anxiety, bdd, paranoia, depression.
I am on medication and have been in counseling/therapy for the past four years (still am).

Bets,
I am very much so into art and design; it is my passion.
Talking to you (or anyone) would be very comforting.

I am really in agreement with all of your beliefs...though I am still very confused on what to do about prayer. The list of angels was very helpful, though they are of the Christian faith aren't they?

There's a lot more that I wanted to talk about / respond to, but i'm really worn out right now.

Thanks again for all of the support and love,
Sam

I think of learning a NEW SKILL as taking lots of Practice, over and over and over again 1,000's, 10,000's, 100,000's thousands of times.

So when I am learning something (like praying, study stuff,etc.) I expect that I'm gonna make mistakes, in beginning, OH COURSE I AM , and I cut myself some slack, I'm just LEARNING, and anything I practice ,a little at a time over many months I get better at.

So if you prayed and you felt better, then you stopped because someone (your brother)  made fun of you, so what, ... you learned a lesson, DO WHAT MAKES YOU FEEL HEALTHY-GOOD.  Try again, and so what if you made a MISTAKE, so what, big deal, DO it again, and again, until you realize that the ONLY WAY that ANYONE GOT GOOD at anything was by PRACTICE, practice,practice, ... and don't buy into the notion that "you should get this the first time, or the hundredth time, or the 1,000th time.

Bro, you fell many times in learning to walk, and someone who LOVED YOU , didn't make fun of you, criticize you, be-rate you, "call you stupid", no, your Mom or Dad , smiled and said "way to go", "you can do it", you got up and tried again , and I'm sure you walk O.K. today! :)  

To bad people make fun of others when they learn stuff , because it should be like LEARNING to WALK, and we should have others "encouraging us each step of the way".
Peace!

Fetography wrote on May 3^rd, 2007 at 9:54pm:

Thanks you all so much for your support. I'd reply to each of your posts in more detail, but even typing this message is a challenge due to how weak my body is right now. What I can say is that months back, when I was approaching what seemed to be the end of the cliff, I was in bed sobbing. At that point I was so broken and defeated that I thought I would never get out of bed again. The realization came that as soon as I lost my religion I lost my wellness. That night I gave every fiber of my being to Christ, I told him that I was his. Things got a bit better, but after listening to my brother (who is an atheist) my faith weakened a bit. Soon I began watching documentaries on Christianity and could not support the faith at all. The nail in the coffin was when I turned on the religious channel to find a preacher shouting that some day "all hospitals will be Christian hospitals" and so forth. What I crave in organized religion is the community and support, what I hate is the corruption. From that point on I didn't know who to pray to. Even worse, I was afraid that maybe Christ really is God and that I had denied him. That's one thing I hate about Christianity...they scare the crap out of you... I am afraid that I am disrespecting God by praying to him not knowing who he is. Regarding some statements and questions posted: I currently have agoraphobia, panic disorder, social anxiety, generalized anxiety, bdd, paranoia, depression. I am on medication and have been in counseling/therapy for the past four years (still am). Bets, I am very much so into art and design; it is my passion. Talking to you (or anyone) would be very comforting. I am really in agreement with all of your beliefs...though I am still very confused on what to do about prayer. The list of angels was very helpful, though they are of the Christian faith aren't they? There's a lot more that I wanted to talk about / respond to, but i'm really worn out right now. Thanks again for all of the support and love, Sam

Sorry to hear about  your illnesses that have caused you suffering.. I myself too suffer from general anxiety disorder, ocd, paranoia, and depression.. It is rough and I feel your pain..!! I may not feel your pain all the way, but I know how tough it is on the soul.. Just please hang in there and never take your life.. I know I think about it too sometimes, but remember your family is going to be hurting for a long time if you take your life! Also, don't worry about Christianity, it is all fear based anyways and imo takes a toll on your soul.. I would just follow your own path to God! What ever brings you closer to God is the best Religion imo!! Most NDE's would agree on that one as well.. So, don't worry about what religion to belong too .. It's all about finding God your own way that is why we are all different and individuals.. Don't let preachers or others tell you how to believe or worship.. God doesn't want us to worship himherGod wants us to be his/her  friend and us to be his/her own sons and daughters.. Because we are God's sons and daughters! Never let any religion tell you are not worthy of heaven/God and born a sinner.. We are all perfect in God's eyes! We are made in God's image..!

I believe meditation and enjoying the nature outsided are te best waysto connect with God.. You can connect with God in anyway possible.. Not just by going to church.. Being with your family and friends is another great way to connect with God.. By spreading love and taking in the love.. Also, being kind to others and helping others out is another way to connect with the true Godhead.. God is in you and will never leave you! Just have daily conversations with God and let God know how bad you are hurting.. God always listens to us.. God is helping you out now by getting you to ask for guidance and support!

Hang in there !!

peace

Yes, DaBears is right Sam. You know, to have a religion and being a member of a church has on many people a stabilizing function.

However, following strict rules without thinking and without personal experience, always fear included, is not going to make the people feel happy and free. In Germany, where I am, there is this saying about Christians in a church: "If they would be really believing the good news of forgiveness in the New Testament, they should look much more happy than they do!".

But there are people who indeed are obviously happy and tell Jesus has helped them. This usually are the kind of people who are NOT coming over like these crazy shouting preachermen and joyless missionars.

Everyone is welcomed by God or his/her representants, may that be Jesus or others, that's the only logical belief for me. A main negative-powerful blockade is to feel guilty and unworthy. Don't fool yourself with this.

Btw, I'm not in a Christian community or any other religion. I just take what seems healthy and logical to me, and go with my own experiences, and search for further understanding and ways to enjoy life. You know, life can be pretty boring, that's why one has to be active in whatever form, just to find something of interest, to explore, to practise, to have something to looking forward to.


Spooky

spooky2 wrote on May 4^th, 2007 at 10:09pm:

Yes, DaBears is right Sam. You know, to have a religion and being a member of a church has on many people a stabilizing function. However, following strict rules without thinking and without personal experience, always fear included, is not going to make the people feel happy and free. In Germany, where I am, there is this saying about Christians in a church: "If they would be really believing the good news of forgiveness in the New Testament, they should look much more happy than they do!". But there are people who indeed are obviously happy and tell Jesus has helped them. This usually are the kind of people who are NOT coming over like these crazy shouting preachermen and joyless missionars. Everyone is welcomed by God or his/her representants, may that be Jesus or others, that's the only logical belief for me. A main negative-powerful blockade is to feel guilty and unworthy. Don't fool yourself with this. Btw, I'm not in a Christian community or any other religion. I just take what seems healthy and logical to me, and go with my own experiences, and search for further understanding and ways to enjoy life. You know, life can be pretty boring, that's why one has to be active in whatever form, just to find something of interest, to explore, to practise, to have something to looking forward to. Spooky

Great post Spooky! I am on the same page as you brother.. No real Religion interest me.. They are follow to many strict rules.. Plus, they are more fear-based than love-based..

peace

I want to thank you guys for all of your support. Your insights are really, really, appreciated and I feel like I am beginning to understand. The road to healing my mental illnesses is going to be a hard one....especially because my OCD has evolved from something minor to major; however, if I can find God the journey will be much less painful.

You have all brought up very good points. What confuses me about going down the path of finding God inside myself rather than, lets say, the church is the lack of identity and rules. Things are so much easier when you're spoon fed the Bible and just say "whatever is in it is what I have to believe". Any questions, you just ask the preacher. Any need for support, you turn to the community. The problem is that those of us that just can't seem to believe in the mechanics of mainstream religion seem to be forced to be a team of two, just you and your beliefs. Thats what's hard, defining your own rules and not having a community to "have your back".

There is a lot of sadness in me that I can't just accept an identifiable religion. I realize though that joining one of those religions, from what i know about them, would not be for the right reasons. Joining a religion whose foundation I cannot agree with, just so that I can achieve a level of community and support, wouldn't work out for me.

Finding my own road and beliefs is much more loving and in a sense truthful. Where there are mass numbers of people, there is corruption; it's just how the game works. So, it's just hard for me to figure all of this out at such a young and turbulent age in my life.

Do any of you have stories about how you found God and your beliefs?
Where it all started for you and how you got to the point in your faith that you are today?

Hi Sam-
Welcome!

You've got a lot of excellent advice. All I want to add is three ideas. First, having done three years of internship doing psych diagnoses for the state, I can assue you that psychiatric diagnosis is an imperfect art at very best. That means that you may discover that what you feel today will be changed tomorrow and might be diagnosed differently - whether because of new realiztions, changes, or simply growing through a lot of it. Remember to be YOU and not the label that someone has assigned you. That way things change, even if not very rapidly. YOU are not a "diagnostic label", YOU are not a "thing", YOU are not just a "body". You are the center of your universe - and that's a hint as to who your real identity actually is, so it's OK to let it develop, (Sri Ramana Maharshi used to call this the True Self.)

Second, when I was going through a spell of "what the hell is valid?" I discovered Earnest Holmes "Science of Mind". His book is essentially a study on discovering God by yourself, and using that awareness to heal yourself. It's not deep, simple language, and the little essays are just the right length for bathroom reading. As the ideas sort themselves out, you'll notice that you find a new direction in which to look etc. Just keep plodding along and you'll get there. As Lao Tse might have said, "The journey of a thousand li begins with but a single step."

Third - Have faith in yourself - even if you can't locate God, God is well aware of you and loves you unconditionally, it's rather as if you are a part of God, or an idea in the mind of God, or a manifestation of God - and the more effort you apply to come to  God, God will multiply that by ten, a hundred or a thousand fold to come to you. You might be interested in poking about Vedanta and the story of Sri Ramakrishna and some of those guys in that respect.

PUL
dave

First:  try looking into Eckankar for a different view on religion. Very spiritual

http://www.eckankar.org

Second: contact the Monroe Institute to obtain Hemi-sync music for your mental health.
http://www.monroeinstitute.com/

Call TMI (the Monroe Institute) and talk to one of the consolers. There are many doctors who will verify that the meditation music--- hemi-sync--- has benefits for the brain.

Wishing you wellness.

Fetography wrote on Jun 7^th, 2007 at 10:39pm:

I want to thank you guys for all of your support. Your insights are really, really, appreciated and I feel like I am beginning to understand. The road to healing my mental illnesses is going to be a hard one....especially because my OCD has evolved from something minor to major; however, if I can find God the journey will be much less painful. You have all brought up very good points. What confuses me about going down the path of finding God inside myself rather than, lets say, the church is the lack of identity and rules. Things are so much easier when you're spoon fed the Bible and just say "whatever is in it is what I have to believe". Any questions, you just ask the preacher. Any need for support, you turn to the community. The problem is that those of us that just can't seem to believe in the mechanics of mainstream religion seem to be forced to be a team of two, just you and your beliefs. Thats what's hard, defining your own rules and not having a community to "have your back". There is a lot of sadness in me that I can't just accept an identifiable religion. I realize though that joining one of those religions, from what i know about them, would not be for the right reasons. Joining a religion whose foundation I cannot agree with, just so that I can achieve a level of community and support, wouldn't work out for me. Finding my own road and beliefs is much more loving and in a sense truthful. Where there are mass numbers of people, there is corruption; it's just how the game works. So, it's just hard for me to figure all of this out at such a young and turbulent age in my life. Do any of you have stories about how you found God and your beliefs? Where it all started for you and how you got to the point in your faith that you are today?

I did a lot of searching before my near death experience. There are some churches out there where I think you might be comfortable. One of them is Unity Church, another is Unitarian, there are also some Spiritual churches. I know it is easier to learn if you have the support of a group of people. I went to many different churches looking, but finally found a spiritual group that met at a person's house. That was the best. The lady who ran it was a psychic. You might consider reading some near death experiences, they can be a big help. Love

Call TMI (the Monroe Institute) and talk to one of the consolers. There are many doctors who will verify that the meditation music--- hemi-sync--- has benefits for the brain.

Wishing you wellness.

Don't use Hemi-sync it is grossly overpriced and the neuro-logic works much better (customize your own)

It kinda angers me when people ask other people what religion they should follow.
It is stupid. Do research and answer your own questions. Do you underestimate your intelligence?

Btw Religion is bullshit. I don't care what anyone says about the stability it offers, (to weak minded people) it is still archaic and the equivalent of believing in Zeus and the pantheon of the gods.

You know Ra, Hemi-sync is far from over priced as fer as I am concerned. The few thousand dollars that I have spent have more than worth it.   Just what is the price of spiritual fulfillment? Anybody know the price? (Not that Hemi-sync offers it.)

hemi-sync was created using neuro-logic technology.

Ra, Where can I find out more of this "neuro-logic" tech you speek of? I would love to take a look.  

http://www.transparentcorp.com/

It is actually called neuro-programmer lol

Hey could you please help me out  ;D

http://gouki.imeem.com/playlist/jEMZEYsK/

that is the link to a playlist I made.

could you give me some positive remarks I would greatly appreciate it  :D

Probally won't be your type of music but help me out  ;D

Thank so much Ra. I will take a good look around the site.  

sam - every follower of every religion thinks there's is "the right one."   ::)

of course there is no "right one."  religions are manmade, and they absolutely carry all the baggage and bias that humans carry with them into creating that religion.  

if God is perfect, then he created you perfect.  therefore, you can't really do anything to take you away from the God within you, etc.  

humans have always struggled with this idea of the dark vs. the light of our nature.  we created these ideas like "if we're really bad, God will shun us and send us to hell and we'll be unrecoverable."  of course that is nonsense.  God is responsible for his creation.  he can't just shun us.  God can't say "forgive others!" and then refuse to forgive you in the next breath.  see how little sense the bible makes?   so.. just follow whatever religion makes you happy, or no religion at all, it doesn't matter.  you're still God's creation no matter what.  

unfortunately there are always people, be they the scientific "skeptics," the atheists, the Christians, the "realists" or (fill in the blank) trying to tear us away from our spiritual happiness.  i believe in following my own happiness and what i see as the truth, not what some preacher or book or followers tell me.  that's how people get sucked into cults like scientology - they want answers and they just believe what someone tells them.  so think for yourself only.