I have *very recently* lost someone I loved dearly.  My "other" significant other.  I'll explain that later if the question arises but my legal husband was well aware of the relationship and approved.  I don't expect anyone else to understand that but anyway, he was only 36, and died of a massive heart attack right after we'd had...ummm...relations.  (I'm trying to remain within the guidelines here and still get my point across.  I hope I'm doing okay.)  Anyway, I miss him terribly.  Since he's been gone I've smelled his scent twice in my vehicle.  At first I tried to tell myself that it was my memory playing "tricks" on me.  Then I tried to tell myself that I merely wanted him back so bad I manifested it myself.  But then I doubt that too because no matter how hard I try, or how often, I can't get that scent to come to me "at will".

Then one day I was working in the kitchen packaging some items for the freezer.  I was thinking of him the entire time.  Feeling very lonely and abandon...and actually a tad mad at the situation he'd left me in to handle.  I carried one load of items to my freezer that is in the utility room and returned to get the rest of the items.  After I'd put the second load into the freezer I turned and I *swear* I saw him standing off to the side and slightly behind me.  It's tight quarters in that utility room and I almost said "Excuse me sweetie" when I blinked and he was gone.  

I'd cried the times that the scent came to me.  It made me think of being snuggled up next to him and how I miss him so.  But when he *appeared* it made my heart jump.  Not from fear, but from the excitement of SEEING him.

I'm questioning now if I've lost my mind.  Or is he here still watching over me.  Is my grief keeping him here?  So many more questions and I don't know where else to turn.

Welcome DayStar,

If you search on this site, there are many articles and techniques to help you with your questions.

Good Luck
Daff

Hi Day Star,

I have no idea how your paranormal odors fit into the total picture of your friend's current spiritual plight.   The morality of your love triangle would obviously be relevant, but I don't know the details and they are none of my business.   Nor, given my ignorance,  would I presume to comment on the meaning of how he died.  I'll leave those questions for your reflection.
 
What I do feel comfortable saying is this.  Emanuel Swedenborg was perhaps the greatest astral adept who ever lived.   He reports that our early postmortem condition is normally very positive with beautifiul sunny parks and loving company.   But he warns that this may be a poor indicator of our ultimate fate.   First we shed those personality traits that derive from our earthly ability to keep our thoughts a secret.  In most of the astral realms, no thoughts can be hidden and communication is telepathic.  Then we gravitate towards a spirit plane (positive or negative) based on the principle that like attracts like.  Given the stakes, i would pray for your friend and ask that he be given grace to respond to this sorting process in an open and loving manner.   Such prayers might quickly nullify any distracting or inhibiting effect of your grief.        

The role of odors in your experiences prompts to retell an analogous incident related to me last year during a visit to Kelowna, British Columbia.  I had coffee with Gord, an old friend I had not seen since I was a teenager.  Gord is now a Christian chaplain.  You might be interested in an experience Gord shared with me.  Other experiences may surpass Gord's story in evidential value, but few experiences of after-death communication surpass the beauty of this experience.

Gord was visiting an elderly lady, Annie, in a nursing home.  He noticed a bottle of lilac perfume by her bedside.  No one knew who placed it there!  After a few minutes, Gord asked Annie if she'd like an application of the cologne.  She said, "Oh yes, I'd be delighted."  So Gord had a female attendant put on the cologne for her.  Annie smiled brightly and reveled in the marvelous odor.  But then she peacefully closed her eyes and slipped into the next life.  It was 3:00 PM on Tuesday.  

Annie's daughter helped her husband on their farm.  At the time of Annie's death, the daughter and her husband were working in the barn.  At 3 PM, something odd caught their attention.  The strong odor of manure was suddenly overwhelmed by a more potent odor.  Both Annie's daughter and her husband independently recognized the smell as that of lilacs.  They were baffled.  

When Annie's daughter came to the nursing home to complete arrangements and pick up her mom's things, she gasped when she saw the bottle which was still beside Annie's bed.  After talking to Gord, she realized that the lilac odor in the barn signified her mom's presence at the precise moment of death to say goodbye.  For some reason our deceased loved ones find the use of signature odors one of the best ways to reassure us that they are alive and OK in the hereafter.  

Your question about whether our grief can impede the progress of our beloved dead prompts me to retell Phyliis' s NDE.   3 years ago, I met this highly skeptical woman at a wedding reception.  Phyllis had a PhD in medical research.  Being exceptionally cerebral, she retreated from her emotions in times of crisis.  Her mother had recently died and she couldn't deal with this; so she didn't.  Then she experienced her own crisis, a serious car accident that launched her into an NDE.  She found herself ascending to "a mall that wasn't really a mall," complete with a small orchestra playing softly in the background.  It was a mall composed of white light.  Phyllis came to a table at which her deceased mother was seated.  When Phyllis sat down, her mother admonished her intensely, "YOU HAVEN'T COME TO TERMS WITH MY DEATH.  YOUR DETACHED REACTION IS BLOCKING MY PROGRESS HERE!"  This uncomfortable conversation was anything but the expected warm mother-daughter encounter.  Phyllis felt relief when she was able to return to her body.  She fully recovered from her injuries.  

Not long after, she was back in the hospital to have surgery for a life-threatening illness.  As her condition worsened, she had her second NDE.  Back she returned to the mall in Paradise.  Once again, she joined her mother seated at a table.  Phyllis dreaded this contact because she had tried to forget about her mother's last NDE challenge.  The unearthly music played by the mall orchestra provided little comfort.  "YOU STILL HAVEN'T DEALT WITH MY PASSING!  I WANT TO MAKE PROGRESS HERE!"  Then her mother did something very interesting.  She pointed to the table and declared, "YOU HAVE TO MAKE THIS DISAPPEAR!"  

The table was apparently a part of elaborate thought structures that bound Mom to her daughter's problems.  I was shocked by her mother's claim because I had assumed that excessive grief--not detachment--inhibits the progress of our deceased loved ones.  Feeling very ashamed, a sulking Phyllis finally said, "WELL, I GUESS I'LL RETURN TO MY BODY NOW."  

Her mother's startling reply was totally unexpected: "NO, YOU'RE NOT READY TO RETURN YET.  YOU NEED TO GO WITH THESE PEOPLE."  Two men appeared and escorted her to "an elevator that wasn't really an elevator."  It as an elevator of of white light.  They ascended to a Healing Center where Phyllis experienced a procedure that she couldn't understand.  When she returned to her body, she was completely healed and didn't need her surgery!  She wondered, "What did they do to me and what can humanity learn from this?"  Can astral adepts visit this center and receive a healing for conditions that earthly doctors cannot treat?  I'm fascinated by this question.

Don

Hi Daystar,
I think the only way to the answers of your questions and to get a peaceful mind about this is to try to conversate with him. Ask for him to appear in your dreams and set your intent to dream of him and to remember it. Or, the other way, go into a relaxed state and start imagining that you are talking with him. Let it flow. Then write it down as accurate as you can. When you read it later, it may be that you'll come to the opinion or get evidence that it was not just imagination. It's worth to try it.
I recommend Bruce Moens 5th book, which is a "home study course" to contact the deceased and for many other things.

Spooky

My advice is the same as Spooky's.

The attitude that seems to be most useful to those whose bodies have fallen off seems to be unqualified love, plus acceptance that this step in your relationship has a purpose that will, maybe in this or a future life, make sense.

If it were you that had died, what would you wish for your previous partner? Probably that life and love go forward, yes? Then allow that to yourself as well.

dave

The morality of your love triangle would obviously be relevant, but I don't know the details and they are none of my business.   Nor, given my ignorance,  would I presume to comment on the meaning of how he died.  I'll leave those questions for your reflection.  

As to the morality of our relationship, I don't think loving anyone with that intensity could be a bad thing.  Not exactly "the norm" (but then the 50% divorce rate is so what is "morally acceptable"?) for society but even in Christianity there is the example of Jacob, Leah, and Rachel and God didn't smite Jacob for that love.  

And as to the meaning of how he died.  At first I took it very hard.  Blamed myself for it having maybe gone too far as he'd been with me for over 4 hours.  But then it wasn't that different than many of the other times we'd expressed our love for each other.  There was no way either of us could have known it would be our last, but it was a very tender, moving last few hours and now that a couple of weeks have passed I can see the beauty in the memory he left me.  Not only were we expressing our love but I was the last person he spent his time with, and with his busy schedule it could have happened anywhere and he could have been with a stranger or alone instead of with someone who loved him.  I was the last person who looked into his eyes and told him that he was loved.  Not his mother, grandmother, or any other family member, not some stranger got those last moments...*I* did.

I think the only way to the answers of your questions and to get a peaceful mind about this is to try to conversate with him. Ask for him to appear in your dreams and set your intent to dream of him and to remember it. Or, the other way, go into a relaxed state and start imagining that you are talking with him. Let it flow. Then write it down as accurate as you can. When you read it later, it may be that you'll come to the opinion or get evidence that it was not just imagination. It's worth to try it.  

I've been doing those things and it is working fairly well.  This is one of the dreams I journaled...

Finally, another dream that made me smile. I was making chicken soup and you were there. I was in a hurry to make the soup so that we could get some "alone time" together.  Then next thing I remember is we had to go somewhere and were in a car...which was strange because neither of us have a car.  You had the truck and I've got the van.  Then I had graham crackers and nutella and you accidentally had some smeared on you and I was licking it off tauntingly and you said "I love my wife" when I took your face in my hands and looked into your eyes. That's about all I remember but it was something good to help me hang on to you and the memories. It reminded me of the time with the chocolate bavarian cream....

We often dreamed of each other in life and loved to share the details no matter how mundane.  I had another dream after the one above...

I had a dream about your truck... I saw it, but all of your stickers were gone and had been replaced with some others. The same...but different. I guess that is how things are now too. The same...but different.

And the dream before those was simply a still shot of a photo he sent me when he first got his web cam.  It made me think he was simply letting me know he was fine.  Like he did when he got the web cam "I have a new toy and it's working fine" kind of a feeling.

The attitude that seems to be most useful to those whose bodies have fallen off seems to be unqualified love, plus acceptance that this step in your relationship has a purpose that will, maybe in this or a future life, make sense.  

If it were you that had died, what would you wish for your previous partner? Probably that life and love go forward, yes? Then allow that to yourself as well.


This was the hardest response of all to read.  First, that your name was Dave and so is his.  Second...I know this has a purpose...in my world nothing happens without reason.  I also know the promises we made about what will happen after this life.  I'm anxious to be with him (but not so anxious that I'd do anything to hurry that process...I just MISS his physical being)

As to what I'd wish for him.  Yes, to be happy.  To feel loved.  To know I was still close and waiting....impatiently maybe, patience never was one of my virtues...but that I'd be waiting none the less.

Thank you all for your responses.    

I'd just like to add something about Don's warnings about the gravitations of a spirit toward a heaven or hell.  There is plenty of evidence that a person's free will is in full force both here in the physical world and after death.  Most spirits who become "stuck," or repeat offensive behaviours with other like-minded individuals do so somehow willingly, and may or may not be aware that they only need to change their perspective and remove belief systems that are hindering them.  This is a key point.

If you talk with him in your mind, as Spooky suggests, there is no reason to fear or instill fear of some hellish realm.  Let him know of your love.  Let him know of forgiveness, acceptance.  Do not dwell on the negatives of what to avoid.

Love, free will and the creative power of God and the mind are what we are all about.  If one chooses to be buffeted about by an idea of damnation or inescapable fate, that is exactly what one gets.  The ability to free yourself from such fears and realities is with you all the time.  It is with him now.  

Matthew

I'd just like to add something about Don's warnings about the gravitations of a spirit toward a heaven or hell.  There is plenty of evidence that a person's free will is in full force both here in the physical world and after death.  Most spirits who become "stuck," or repeat offensive behaviours with other like-minded individuals do so somehow willingly, and may or may not be aware that they only need to change their perspective and remove belief systems that are hindering them.  This is a key point.

I've never really believed in a "heaven" or "hell" as many view the concept.  I think we make our own happiness or misery while here on earth and we have to resolve those issues when we leave this existance.  There was nothing bad between us in the 12 years we were together except that we didn't get the time for eachother that we so often desired.  Life does have a tendency to get in everyone's way but the wish to be together more often was there.  And we'd promised each other that what we couldn't find in this life we'd share an abundance of in the next.

If you talk with him in your mind, as Spooky suggests, there is no reason to fear or instill fear of some hellish realm.  Let him know of your love.  Let him know of forgiveness, acceptance.  Do not dwell on the negatives of what to avoid.

I was probably one of the few, if not only, person(s) in his life that did give him unconditional love.  I knew the bad things about him, and I didn't hold anything against him.  I, like he did me, loved me not only in spite of my human faults, but often because of them.  The only thing I can think of that I might need to forgive him for is my frustration at being the one left behind.  And is it my needing to forgive him for that...or him needing to forgive me?!?

Love, free will and the creative power of God and the mind are what we are all about.  If one chooses to be buffeted about by an idea of damnation or inescapable fate, that is exactly what one gets.  The ability to free yourself from such fears and realities is with you all the time.  It is with him now.

I've never known anyone that loved larger than he did.  I think he'll be well taken care of until we're together again.  I guess I just want to *know* he is, not just think it.  

>> I guess I just want to *know* he is, not just think it. <<
DayStar,
You certainly came to the right place for finding out how your Dave's doing. Those changed stickers on his truck seem really significant and your interpretation seems accurate, that he's in his new place and wants to let you know how he's doing.
Have you tried the 'imaginary ' conversation with him yet, as Spooky suggested? When he starts answering you without you providing the script you'll *know* there's alot more going on than you control or imagine.
Also you can get alot of info by reading other parts of these boards, like on related topics, or over at Retreivals.
Many best wishes. I know that it hurts to lose someone.
bets

Have you tried the 'imaginary ' conversation with him yet, as Spooky suggested? When he starts answering you without you providing the script you'll *know* there's alot more going on than you control or imagine.

I haven't yet.  It's been a little hectic here these last few days but life should settle down later this week and I'll give it my undivided attention and the next week things should be a lot calmer too.
 
Also you can get alot of info by reading other parts of these boards, like on related topics, or over at Retreivals.

I've started reading but there's a lot to sift through here.  
 
Many best wishes. I know that it hurts to lose someone.
bets

Thank you so much!  I lost my mom in 2001.  We were very close and Dave was instrumental in getting me through that rough period.  Mom had a long life, got to say goodbye to all her family, never had to live in a nursing home (one of her biggest fears of old age) and passed along peacefully.  I could find so much comfort in her passing even though I missed her too.  It was simply her time.  But I'm struggling with finding comfort in Dave's passing.  He was too young, 9 years my junior, and I thought so big and strong.   I know he left out of this world in a way that he would have laughed and said "What a way to go!".  But it's cruel to the one left behind at first.  I am finding some comfort in it now, as I'd mentioned above.  I think it's a blessing that I was with him during his last hours on this earth and that we were expressing our love in such a tender way...and then he was gone.  I'll probably feel that even more with time, but it's all just a very raw pain right now missing him so and wondering how I'm going to face the trails of this life without him physically "in my corner".