Dear all,

I have been reading a lot of posts here lately and it seems that there hangs a general feeling of : I am bored because it is always about the same OR I don't know OR I am so lost I need advice OR other negative topics out of confusion or desperation.

So, I felt like sharing something more positive.

I noticed that it is much harder to know yourself very well, then you might think it is. I mean, you "interprete" the outside world, but you always also "interprete" yourself.

I notice that I am often wrong at interpreting myself. I often see myself much more negatively than I actually am.

I read Bruce's last post about his son and the dream about his son and the cigarettes-dream. This kind of mis-interpretation of one-self reminds me of  myself.

I wondered if there are any books about this or even websites.

I think this is of great importance. I mean, if you think low of yourself, the statistic chances to have actions of low morality will be greater, because you will do less effort to make yourself look at your real value, since you underestimate your value.

Another item that I feel concerned about is this one : if you want to give yourself love, but are not sure you ever experienced love, how can you give away a feeling you don't really know?

And if you cannot give it or cannot recognize it, how do you produce that feeling to give it to others? Because if you cannot give it, logically sooner of later, you will not be given it (like attracts like). So how do you break a vicious circle of this kind?

White Feather

wrote on Jan 9^th, 2006 at 6:33am:

Another item that I feel concerned about is this one : if you want to give yourself love, but are not sure you ever experienced love, how can you give away a feeling you don't really know? And if you cannot give it or cannot recognize it, how do you produce that feeling to give it to others? Because if you cannot give it, logically sooner of later, you will not be given it (like attracts like). So how do you break a vicious circle of this kind? White Feather

Not knowing one's self, having a low opinion of one's self, and not knowing love certainly seem like feelings that would all be interwoven together.  This makes a lot of sense.

I'm just going to address the last one, love.  I can virtually guarantee you've felt love.  It's practically impossible for a human to live to see their teen years and beyond without some love along the way.  The one who cared for you at your birth loved you at least enough to nuture your life.  It may not have come from the parents or any traditional source later on, but somewhere along the line there were some interactions that allowed you to experience love.  Perhaps if you re-discovered who these influences were and realized the impact they had, you could re-discover the feeling.  Maybe it was a teacher.  Maybe a dog or cat.  Maybe a stranger you met who showed you kindness.  Maybe you felt love for someone you hardly knew for no reason, like a child or puppy or old person with bright eyes, this happens all the time and no one knows why, making love one of the great mysteries.  

So, if you accept that you must of had some love or you wouldn't be here, how to get in touch with it?  Well, I'm not a psychologist, but I would try this.  You must recognize when and where it happened to you in your life.  Who or what was it and when in your life did you experience it?  Make sure you use your heart for this, don't confuse love with other strong feelings.  Also, don't think that just because you hated someone that you didn't love them also and vice versa.  Love and hate are on the same end of the passion scale.  We both love and hate our parents sometimes because of the relationship.  Try to separate out the loving things that happened, the kindnesses.  Often this happens when we sense vulnerability in another, and rather than exploit it, we cover it with our strength.  I would think that if you could isolate some instances like this and really see how they affected you, you would in turn see how you've affected others in the same way, and thus know love better.  The other concerns may then take care of themselves.

hope this helps.  I highly respect professional counselors for their skill in helping people with this cycle.  It's very important, as you've rightly recognized.

This is a question which has been with humanity from the beginning and has never (to my knowelege) been answered, or even addressed.  Whenever I ask it, it is NEVER taken seriously.

The question is…WHO ARE YOU?

I myself am from the Popeye school… I YAM WHAT I YAM!    Or WE ARE WHAT  WE ARE!

Unfortunatly, most people seem (tome) not to know…or care…who or what hey are.   How can you Interpret when you have no Idea what you are tryingn to interpet?

And we don’t see this changing anytime soon.

I think this is of great importance. I mean, if you think low of yourself, the statistic chances to have actions of low morality will be greater, because you will do less effort to make yourself look at your real value, since you underestimate your value.

By your logic, if you think low of yourself, you think others are higher then you? therefor your morality is actually high.

Another item that I feel concerned about is this one : if you want to give yourself love, but are not sure you ever experienced love, how can you give away a feeling you don't really know?

Love cannot be explained as 1 emotion, it's just a collection of good feelings.

Everyone at some point in there lives, have had a moment of 90% + pleasure/clarity, remember that moment, give it to someone else and bobs your uncle, your giving loooooove.

And if you cannot give it or cannot recognize it, how do you produce that feeling to give it to others? Because if you cannot give it, logically sooner of later, you will not be given it (like attracts like). So how do you break a vicious circle of this kind?

Read above, problem solved.

And opposits attract :) it's the laws of nature. This way, you can find balance.