Hi people,
such posts as of Rog_B (Re: I'm DONE with this $#!%...) really make me think, it awakes the old struggle within me and sometimes this is really hard to stand it.
Recently I thought I could have wasted so much time with my meditations and mind-journeys and looking at books and my monitor that after I'd finished this life I must come to the insight that I've done nearly nothing of worth and missed my chance to learn the really important things here once again. But I don't really know what task or service in C1 I have to do that would make my life complete. Everything seems to be the same, boring, meaningless.
 On some meditations about this problem I never got concrete answers. Today, on a mind-journey I was told to focus on LEAVING the world, not to force myself doing great deeds of service IN this world, because the bad conscience hinders me to live a good life, which is, so I was told, for me to enjoy the present and don't care about whether I do something good or bad. That there isn't a special task for me to do, only to live and to see that there is nothing to wish and nothing to learn for me anymore, to get certain about this so that I can leave the earth without the urge to come back.
 Well, that's far out I thought and my sceptical part immediately came to the conclusion, that this is only a cheap apology to live further a life of laziness.

What do you think? Anyone who had a similar crisis?
bye, spooky

P.S. Those meditations (TMI, B.Moen) really had a great benefit for me, but some of my self-doubts still remain, sometimes all seems pretty and then there it is again...

Dear Spooky2,

I’ve been increasingly impressed by your retrieval posts even though I haven’t responded.  Parts of it is because, for some reason, I pulled out Joan Grant’s book this weekend end and now see much more in it as a result of posts like yours.  Meanwhile, I too am affected by contributors on the board so deeply entrenched in C1 consciousness that it sometimes leads me to distraction.  But on the other hand, recent posts have helped me to create a Fairy Tale, (included on Alysia’s thread) which floated around in my mind today. It was fun.

So anyhow, I’m enjoying rereading Joan Grant’s experiences, especially those regarding her doing retrievals during WWI when she was only a teen.  But I’m glad that I read Bruce’s books including Guidelines before I attempted to try it on my “own” with my helpers.  Joan usually had to get into the same frame of mind as the transitioned person before she could be “heard” (guts hanging out and all) and in a position to have them go with their helpers.  Sometimes she would feel pretty ill during or for a short time after especially with the smells of gangrene.  She made an interesting comment on why she was “picked to be a volunteer for this type of duty at such a young age”, as she put it, “It was difficult to endure their impact on the component of my personality which was still confined by the intellectual equipment of a young child.”  She surmised that she seldom continued to have these “true-dream” occurrences possibly because of the cessation of mass slaughter it was no longer necessary to use volunteers who still had immature physical bodies.

Anyhow, to her it was, “a good night was when she could convince men who had died in battle that they had nor reason to fear death and she had done a good job” and a bad night for her was when she was “…sent to help someone who had allowed dogma to infect him with grotesque terrors, or who had clung to the agonies which had affected his physical body because he thought them the only alternative to oblivion, and the task of releasing him could be arduous”.

She adds, “I knew that as soon as I was asleep, instead of being a child I would again be a responsible adult, who had been allotted a specific kind of “war work.” This work consisted of convincing men who had died in battle that they had no reason to fear dying, for this familiar transition which they had so needlessly dreaded had already taken place.”

She further states, “As everyone who has encountered similar realities knows only too well, this type of volunteer work entails so intimate a degree of identification with the other person that instead of feeling “This is happening to him,” one feels “This is happening to me” So I would wake feeling that it was I who had been entangled in barbed-wire… “These hazards, which I now know to be an occupational risk which must be accepted by anyone who chooses this particular line of work.”

Proud heritage of long line of retrievers-thank goodness we have more support and training than persons like Joan did. Pioneers coming from a long heritage of individuals with no real support doing nightly volunteer work.

Meeting the dead where they’re at and using remembrance of a love object were two things Joan used till they were joined by Intermediaries (helpers) and brought to the Beautiful Country (the Park) where we went after their level shift (transition).

Interesting lady. She believed anyone could do what she did.  Maybe she’s one of the trainers at TMI now oooor maybe one of us?  Who knows?  

Where does the “real” work of the future times lie for some of us folks? Spooky, I think you are doing the service in C1, as Joan did even though the medium of using pc’s are different than hers of having husbands or secretaries write her words out in long hand. But the service is the same and hopefully you’re enjoying it at least half as much as I do reading your posts. ;)

Much Love and admiration for the work you are doing and please don’t let the critics get you down for they have no idea…. ::)

Love, Jean :-*

you know Spooky, retrievals are only the beginning. There are many explorations we can take here. I do believe the library on focus 27 pulls me a lot to go there. every book that has ever been written is still there and we can absorb them so much easier than we do here curled up in front of a fireplace, as nice as that is. another exploration I wish to take is to go inside planets or on the surface, to see what our technology has missed. could be evidence of civilization there I could see first hand. I love reading others reports of these sort of things. I believe everything I read, but I interpret everything according to my experiences. we all reserve that right to believe as we will.

Retrievals for me were a sort of beginning point, exercises to show my willingness to learn. from there, it was all downhill, as in ease of movement I mean out there. and heres a little tip if u will, I study Elias. in my mind he is a laughing and loving and lovable being who I imagine that I visit with quite a bit. one freedom Elias did give to me, was the joyousness of being lazy if I wish. He always says to listen to yourself and pay attention to you. note what you are feeling, what you are wanting to do which you feel u cannot do and go ahead and give yourself permission to do it, so long as you are not being harmful to life or to yourself.
how much freer could you be than this? to be appreciating of your life, to allow yourself this freedom to choose what you shall be doing. in this way you cease reacting to life, and instead you become a self creator; as it is your life after all. if laziness calls, so be it, that too is most enjoyable and is why we have this lovely way of forgetting. the sun will rise tomorrow and we can work then if we wish. listen only to your heart and take care of number one. others appreciate you more if you take care of yourself first and choose not to listen to negativity which masquerades as useful information. love you, you have made my day over and over again. alysia

( Please note : this post was composed in simultaneous reply to both Brendan's "I'm DONE with this $#!%" as well as Spooky's "Crisis", and thus I will reproduce this post on both threads. Kyo. )



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I'm wasting a HUGE amount of time thinking about this sort of metaphysical mule manure...

As far as the lifetime on Earth goes, it doesn't matter quite as much what you choose to believe/accept/agree, or not believe/accept/agree; what *is* of the utmost relevance, in terms of living a lifetime *successfully* (ie. making the most of precious time here on Earth), is the completion of the existential program.

The existential program, in a nutshell, is the overview of personalized, specific objectives and goals that you have set out to accomplish in this incarnation. Your (ie. this incarnation's) existential program, was 'written' as a collaborative joint-effort planning, with the main author being yourself (ie. your soul), with a great deal of discussion, assistance, advice and suggestions from your guides & helpers, teachers and evolutionary orientor, as well as in cooperation with the existential programs of others with whom you choose to work with in the upcoming liftime.

Afterall, a carefully planned lifetime will involve extensive karmic interactions with other 'friends & colleagues' with whom they are specific little co-existential programs for specific forseeable relationships.

This does not imply that everything is predestined, quite the opposite. This demonstrates that you *do* have free will (remember that *you* wrote your own existential program in your much more lucid capacity as an extraphysical being in the intermissive period), and have taken great effort towards implementing your free will, and have tremendous assistance, company and guidance of all the guides & helpers, and all your (soul's) loved ones, friends and family ('familiar ones'), even if you may have temporarily (during physical incarnation) forgotten about them, for they haven't forgotten you, nor will ever forsake you.

So to Brendan (and everyone else), whatever you believe or not believe, doesn't matter so much, as long as you complete your existential program.




Quote:

Recently I thought I could have wasted so much time with my meditations and mind-journeys and looking at books and my monitor that after I'd finished this life I must come to the insight that I've done nearly nothing of worth and missed my chance to do the really important things here. But I don't really know what task or service in C1 (intraphysical) I have to do that would make my life complete. Everything seems to be the same, boring, meaningless.  Anyone who had a similar crisis?

The crisis which you refer to, Spooky, is not so much one that wrestles with the question of validity of any of the spiritual concepts or experiences, but it is a (far more important) crisis, that of completing your existential program.


The mid-life crisis and mid-life depression that so many people (in fact, the majority of humans physically incarnate on Earth) experience to varying extents, is a manifestation and pre-warning of 'soul melancholy'.

That is, the sadness of the soul when it senses that, already halfway through it's physical incarnation, it is still far from accomplishing what it had set out to accomplish in this life, ie. its existential program.

This is the root cause of the most profound depression, one that sedative mind-numbing drugs only further exacerbates and hinders (any hope of fulfilling the existential program).

There are multiple objectives on multiple levels, some personal in nature (eg. karmic lessons), some involving specific relationships with others (eg. friends, family and intimate partners), and (for more evolved souls) participation in polykarmic projects of assistantiality (ie. any type of work which reaches out to, positively affects, and helps the lives of many others); these are some examples illustrating the intricate nature and complexity of a single incarnated human being's existential program.




Quote:

Today, on a mind-journey I was told to focus on LEAVING the world, not to force myself doing great deeds of service IN this world, because the bad conscience hinders me to live a good life, which is, so I was told, for me to enjoy the present and don't care about whether I do something good or bad. That there isn't a special task for me to do, only to live and to see that there is nothing to wish and nothing to learn for me anymore, to get certain about this so that I can leave the earth without the urge to come back.

There are two separate aspects to this, and both must be carefully understood and approached correctly.

The suggestion given to you (it does not matter the exact identity of the energy or being who contacted you with this message, whether it be your own soul, a guide helper, intruder, etc), has important value, but only if you understand it correctly.

To be, first and foremost, then to do.

One must first be balanced, accepting and loving with your own being (ie. existence), without false reliance on any conditions external (ie. conditional love).

Eg. "I won't be happy unless I get that car" or "unless she marries me in this life" or even "unless I accomplish my existential program for this lifetime!"

All too many people live their lives as zombies, robots or puppets, seeking to fill up the hollowness deep within themselves with hollow external achievements and 'successes', such as academic, business/corporate, even relationship & family life. And for some, even contributing to charitable causes, but for the wrong reasons or seeking, and end up feeling hollow and unfulfilled.

But because these individuals were themselves NOT self-balanced, self-connected, self-accepting, self-lucid, self-loving and unconditionally loving, to begin with.

They are escaping from themselves (and their issues) in a desperate bid to seek themselves (and confront their issues), chasing their own shadows and ignoring (and separating from) their true selves.


Spooky (and everyone), if you attempt to accomplish any 'special tasks' or even that of your own existential program, without first attaining the pre-requisite of 'englightenment' in the BEING, you will not be able to truly or totally grasp the Joy or Love of the DOING. In other words, the 'special tasks' will not have the 'special meaning' it was originally intended to have. It would simply be a hollow task (for you), even if others might be positively affected by it (that would be good, but it could be better! And that, is up to you!).

Hence, this is the true value of the communication that was given to you (in your mind-journey), quite regardless of its original intention (and source).

ALL EXPERIENCES HAVE IMPORTANT VALUE AND DEEPER MEANING, REGARDLESS OF THE ORIGINAL INTENTION OR SOURCE BEHIND IT. AND ONLY YOU, NOT ANY OTHER BEING(S), CAN UNLOCK ITS *TRUE* MEANING, AND DETERMINE THE BENEFIT IT CAN GIVE TO YOU.


And once you have truly grasped (ie. determined for yourself) its meaning, and have successfully implemented it fully in your life (ie. made it real for yourself on all levels of your existence), then and only then, the next natural expression of your self-balanced, self-connected, self-accepting, self-lucid, self-loving and unconditionally loving, would be the completion of the existential program in its totality.


To reiterate, 'inner-enlightenment' must go hand-in-hand with 'outer-enlightenment', for the 'complete-enlightenment'.

To paraphrase, Evolution must go hand-in-hand with Assistantiality, for the complete Existential Experience.


So learn to "enjoy the present, live in the NOW, and don't care about whether I do something 'good' or 'bad'... That there isn't a special task that I *have* to do (to accept myself), only to live and to see that there is nothing to wish and nothing to do for me; to be unconditionally joyful and unconditionally loving at all times...", right now, then (*SIMULTANEOUSLY*) proceed to accomplish your existential program.

One does not take precedence or priority over the other. They are both pre-requisites for each other.


As to the exact specifics of your existential program, there are many ways to approach this. However, due to the extreme importance (and for some, urgency) of this subject, we wish to make known to the reader now, the existence of one particularly powerful avenue of communication and help, from the guides & helpers - The Hilarion Reading.

It is of course, only one of many such bridges or pathways. But for some of you, it is one that can indeed be the 'break' that you could really use.

In doing the Hilarion Reading, in which you get to ask 6 questions of a personal nature, dedicate at least one of the questions to asking for Hilarion's advice on the various aspects of your existential program.


The Hilarion Reading :
http://infinity.hispeed.com/Heart.Of.God/main.htm#Hilarion



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Enlightenment is to BE, and simultaneously to DO.


If you neglect one, you cannot fully do the other.
You must BE (unconditionally), only then you can you properly DO (extension of your BEing).

From the BEingness, you create the DOingness.
And in the DOingness, you live out your BEingness.

You will realize that both are aspects of each other; that both are One.


If you do not Love yourself, you do not truly Love others.
If you do not Love others, you do not truly Love yourself.

Only when you truly understand/choose/honour/cherish/enjoy/realize the Oneness of All Beings, and have choosen to give/accept *all of both* (self-is-fully-loved plus others-are-fully-loved, ie. self-is-truly-others plus others-are-truly-self), then you (God) have truly experienced Love.

Then you can truly experience (and enjoy) the complete existence of simultaneous BEingness & DOingness.


Meditations on Heart.Of.God, see here.

Work of Byron Katie (for BEingness), see here.

The Hilarion Reading (for advice on DOing your Existential Program), see here.

Life will be worth living again.

(To be precise you would realize that Life was *always* worth living, only that you had forgotten how to live it. Now here's your chance. Give it to yourself. And in doing so, to all your loved ones, to all other beings, and to the Cosmos.)

What is TMI ??

Traveller

Hi Spooky,

I enjoy your posts quite a lot.  

Sometimes the special task in life is just to be here.  No need to have a crisis.  You are special and your journey is unique and valuable.  The doubts will pass.

love ya,  blink

Traveller, TMI is The Monroe Institute in Faber, VA.

Spooky, doubts are common and it took me a very long time to get over doubting what I was getting.

Kyo, you explain so perfectly that I don't need to say anything else. ;-)

Love, Mairtreya ;-)

Dear friends, I thank you for your responds and your love. Don't know really how to express it. I just wrote down some things regarding your posts.

Jean,
I know personally a retriever who is doing his "job" in a similar way as Joan Grant (I didn't read her books), he also experienced what happened to the people he was going to retrieve; also, a well-known psychic (a woman, forgot her name) who did some support for the police reports this way of "getting into it". My way is different, I mostly keep a distance between "my" stuck people, but there are a few cases I was very deeply touched during the retrieval process, not in a sensual way like feeling their bodily hurts, more in a way of picking up the thoughts of my "clients". But it seems as if I would perceive more than what comes into my conscious awareness during or shortly after a retrieval, because when I look at my notes about those cases some days or even months later, then my feelings often are much more intense than at the time I did the retrieval.
>>>instead of being a child I would again be a responsible adult<<< Although I am an adult in C1 I feel in a similar way. I'm somehow different "there", have a sense of to know what to do.
>>>Spooky, I think you are doing the service in C1, as Joan did<<< (Sharing) That's a thought I think I should keep in mind.


Alysia,
I did an exploration 27 for a week at home, at the same time when it was at the TMI and that was interesting, I think I'll post an excerpt here soon (but I wasn't in the library). The retriever I mentioned above also is a star-explorer. He told me that every star and planet could be understood as a living being, as an intelligence and/or personality. But the last time I saw him he still hadn't found a et civilization on his journeys. Maybe there are reports of TMI"Starlines"-graduates which could be of interest for you.
>>>how much freer could you be than this?<<< Exactly, I had said that to myself; without this thinking of what I have to do and the fear to do wrong the life must be much better. To feel free, yes, this is it.


Kyo,
many things you said are familiar to me; I came across them earlier through reading or thinking. But strange, they seem to be so easy covered and there is the need for being reminded at it again and again and you did this in a convincing and impressive way.
What you said about depression, I can tell I had often deep depressive periods and had nearly 20 years of regularly consume of alcohol and pot, until I did the Gateway Voyage. Then this drugs meant nothing to me anymore. I simply didn't need it no longer, and this is I think because when I was back on the right track exploring on my own about our true nature those drugs were no longer needed to ease the pain of living far from fulfilling my spiritual requirements.
Once I read a book about priests and nuns in a big christian church. Some of them, after many years of living in service for others, had a breakdown which brought them to the border of suicide. In one moment all what they did seemed to meaningless and they were completely burnt out. That's what you said, they were of service without looking at their own needs, their own balance.
So, I have to watch over me to not forget about the near when seeing in the far.

Blink and Mairtreya,
sounds really good what you say!



I love you,
spooky