Great,

Since I was searching to meet new people with understanding. I am so happy to have found you all.

This is my fourth topic. If you wish to understand me, I suggest you read topic 1, 2 and 3, because each time I am moving on, I am sort of building on the previous topic. Because my goal is to move forward and to work myself out and I am calling for all the possible help and input to achieve this.

When my father died, my mother brought us to a psychic. The psychic told us many things that were , without doubt, true. After this, she left us with an opportunity to meet her individually and ask 3 questions.

Of course I went to see her on my own, but I had no ready-made questions. It was kind of late and as soon as she saw me she said : "You are a very complicated person. I am too tired to deal with you." She also gave me a prayer card of Saint Rita, the saint for the desperate people, as she stated.

The thing is, I had been desperate, very desperate, I had gattered all my hope to find hope and with this prayer card I felt she had literally told me I could not be saved, like if I was a desperate case. I had hope before I entered her room and felt desperate when I left her.

Let me tell you this : The reason I doubted to expose myself, always the same, is that, when you show a less beautiful side of yourself, it makes it more difficult for people to thrust you/to respect you. Disthrust holds some fear and fear is an obstacle for love. So, in exposing you what I think is less nice of me, I think I could loose some love, but I believe I prefer few real love for who I am than I lot of love for what I could pretend to be.

It would be easier for me not to tell you that once, I thought about suicide (Not because I wanted to die really, but because I did not like the life I was living). But I had read books on the afterlife about near-death-experiences (far more superficial than Bruce's books I am sure) and this had let me to know the following thing : ONE CAN ESCAPE EVERYTHING, BUT ONE CAN NEVER ESCAPE HIM-/HERSELF.

Now I am not seeking for approval, because I was pointed out that it is indeed a sign you do not love yourself completely, somehow. But I am on new territory here and I at the stage where spiritually, I have to learn to walk, but in the meantime I also think one should know what he wants.

So this is what I seek :
- I seek to love myself more for the right reasons
- I feel so hurt by what I have seen, that I seek to heal from this (see part 1, 2 and 3)
- I seek to have all choices, without fear for any option, but knowing the consequences of the choices I make
- I seek to learn to love everyone better and more

This is the stage I am going through now. Any input on ideas on how to achieve the above things, are welcome.

Do not be shy. It is not the money on bankaccounts that are the treasures. It are the people on the earth that are. There are hidden treasures and if you found this site, I am sure you are one of them.

With very much love,

Wanderer

Hi Wanderer,
yes, showing the less beautiful side can people make leaving you. This is just natural. Everyone has set him/herself a limit and when it's getting over it they turn away because it's too much for them. It's clever to have it on mind. Always a challenge wondering how far one can get with a person sharing problems. It's a process. It can fail, but that doesn't mean that somebody failed. I think you're very experienced in thinking very precisely about yourself, it's a good base for growing though it hurts sometimes.
You thought about suicide. Be proud that you didn't do it! You didn't run away, you're tough, a tough love seeker!
You said "I seek to love myself more for the right reasons". I think the only reason for loving yourself is to feel well. Put away the "right reasons". That's what self-forgiveness is about. That's why Bruce is talking about "unconditional love". For me it was a key to feel it. It's like learning to ride a bicycle: Once you can do it, you think: "It's so easy. Why I found it difficult before?" But of course it WAS difficult. I remember your dream, wasn't it like dropping some heavy stones from you? That is it! Go on your way, and fears will leave you automatically (step by step).
To know all consequences of your choices is a very ambitious aim. We are just humans!
I sense you're making progress, isn't it cool?
Your light of love is with you,
spooky

Hi Wanderer,

All of your posts touch me.  You have a gift for expressing hope, vulnerability, strength and love all at the same time.  You are a seeker and you already know that your answers are forthcoming.  Just be patient with yourself.  The more clearly you see yourself, all else will be revealed to you.

love, blink