I agree.  The quote (wrongly attributed to Buddha) "pain is inevitable, suffering is optional") sounds good but I don't think is practical nor helpful.

Yes, we need to process the pain.  To suppress suffering is contrary to being human unless we're a sociopath or a masochist.  It certainly isn't a badge of honor.

When we're confronted with a storm, we need to go through it, knowing eventually we'll get to the other side. There will be suffering as we make our way through.  If we think we should try to find ways to avoid suffering, we might not find our way out.

Not to mention that suppressing suffering can lead to both physical and emotional problems.

R

Very interesting article. I guess it is very important to distinguish between finding comfort in spirituality and some sort of spiritual escapism. As far as I know, religious leaders have all recommended ways to escape despair, but equally  have all advised to help the suffering and be aware of your inner life. To truly overcome suffering and pain, it would then become necessary to acknowledge and "feel" the pain (as well as emphasise with people in pain) and then, only in a second step, find your way back to balance with spirituality.

What I have also sometimes encountered especially with sick people, is that some visitors or relatives will use their own spiritual approach to more or less tell them they should not feel pain because "all is ok" or, worse in my eyes, because some karmic influence must have caused this. I get angry when this happens because to my mind this is not loving and causes people extra pain. Not a good use of belief, which should comfort and heal.

Probably all comes down again to whether your approach to spirituality will enhance love, comfort and healing or be detrimental to yourself and/or others.

I hadn't really thought of this as a way to repress painful emotions before reading the article.  I can see where a spiritual practice could be used as a way to hide from emotions that a person doesn't want to feel.

If I remember correctly there's a Buddhist or Hindu saying that goes something like: to overcome suffering you must be a friend to yourself.  What this means to me is that most of human suffering caused by emotional pain can be healed by developing a positive emotional relationship with yourself, or what now is known as loving the self, though some see that as narcissism.  I suppose that could be true in some cases, but that's not the intent.

I'm not one that thinks we can simply feel the painful emotions, and then let them go.  There's more to it.  To be able to assimilate them we need to understand where they are coming from.  I think all negative emotions cover up an ego related fear.  If we uncover the fear and release it, the painful emotions we feel dissipate as well.  This takes honesty with our self and yes, we can feel vulnerable as we go through the healing process.

Guilt, for example, is an unwillingness to accept our self as we are.  If we feel guilty for something we've done or neglected to do, then we are either procrastinating about doing something to rectify it, or we are still processing it, or we have chosen to punish our self with guilt because our actions did not express our integrity.  It is easier to feel guilty for something than to do what we must to keep our integrity.  We fear whatever it is we must do, so it is easier to feel guilty than to face our fear.  The guilt feeling covers up the fear, but it also leads to self-rejection, and thus, we choose self-rejection over fear.

Most, if not all of our negative emotions cover up a fear that we have.  If we can get to the root cause by finding the fear and dealing with it, then we are able to release the fear, as well as dissipate the emotional pain that was covering the fear up.

K

DocM wrote on May 15^th, 2016 at 11:09am:


It is wrong to take the advice of any fallible mortal human as absolute truth because that truth lies inside all of us if we look into our spiritual hearts for it.

Real truth always gives a person real peace, if they both find it and put it into action into their respective lives!

DocM wrote on May 16^th, 2016 at 9:58pm:


Quote from your article below from the link given by you?

Quote:


 

Actually, the article about spiritual bypassing can apply to any form of spirituality which is used to bypass the substance and emotions of a real life situation.  The author mostly applied the discussion to New Age or Eastern philosophies which stress that the ego is the illusory part of ourselves.

However, some conventional fundamentalists of the great religions (christianity, judaism, islam) make use of this quite nicely.  A fundamentalist will say "the Bible tells me what to think/feel," and so there is no need to explore the painful emotion or feeling.  For some there may be a comfort to be told what to think and feel since the source book is touted as the unalterable truth.  But as the article points out, if we cloak ourselves in the pride of any spiritual philosophy and don't process and absorb the emotions, then we are likely to be disturbed and not progress overall.  We've seen this happen on the board where unhappy people have responded to such discussions with platitudes from a biblical source without true discussion of the issues.

I do agree that we have to go over the issues ourselves, Alan, but I don't think that makes the individual person infallible.  And I don't personally believe that the written texts are, themselves infallible.  So yes, going within for the answer; facing the negative emotions, processing them and integrating them is the key rather than saying that you will ignore them because your religion or philosophy tells you what to think.

Food for thought.

M

DocM wrote on May 17^th, 2016 at 6:11am:


I think you are quite correct in saying that all religions can be used to bypass emotions of yourself and of others that seem too painful or too counter-self-imageish to process. But do you think it is only religions that serve for this purpose? The more I think of it, the more I believe that many convicions and habits can be used to the same purpose. Èxample. I`m afraid, to take one common fear, of cancer. Now I could tell myself, consciously or subconsciously "If I live healthy and exercise a lot and never eat too much and think positive I will never get cancer." I see this line of thought quite a lot recently. This, ofc, is much easier than to go where this fear comes from: The fear of death, the fear of the unknown, the intuitive knowledge that this body is not invincible and will fail one day. Bypassing of this nature is also much easier than to face this kind of thing and try to find your way to live with the human reality without despairing.

Hm. The more I write the more I think that it`s important to say I don`t mean to be arrogant with this. It is very human to try and find a viable way to deal with your fears without having to go "the whole hog" and integrate and process them fully. But what I gather from the article you originally posted, Matthew, and what I have seen with suffering people, is that if you go the easy way in this, you will fall all the harder once pain that can not be bypassed comes along. For example, the death of a loved one, life-threatening illness or even an unwanted total change in your life.