Ladies and Gentlemen,

I went through some of the topics on the forum and they were very informative and interesting indeed first of all I would like to congratulate the owners and all the contributors of this forum that made it so refreshing.

I am in my 20's and a student of religions of the world and have read quiet a bit about most of them and have been lucky enough to visit some amazing places around the globe and the more I have explored the more I am convinced that god is each and everything around us and in us.
The concept of my god is better than your god or my god is god of god never took my fancy.

I would try to sum up my learning in one little anecdote.

In a school a one teacher taught both geography and biology to the same class and had one chart for the world map and on the opposite side chart had anatomy of a human and one the last day of the year the teacher as a final test tore away the world map and said even if one student can join the map of the world correctly I would think that I have succeeded as a teacher many tried without a luck and then one student came forward flipped the world map and joined the Human anatomy chart and then flipped it back and handed it over to the teacher. We need to fix ourselves as one with ourselves and the world would be fixed.

I have across many cultures and lifestyles and seen they are different at the same time they are not so different paradoxical as the saying goes "The more I learn the less I know" and the faith is the most powerful force but only if used for righteousness.

The more I journey into myself the more unknown questions and feelings arise and this is what made me post this thread.

I have had not an easy childhood but at the same time it was not abusive and a kind where I had to be a man quiet early in my life.
As far as materialistic and worldly possessions and luxuries are concerned I have most of them great friends and family,wealth and health yet something is missing.

I would go into details now.

Since I was very young I always has a strange attraction towards women who used wheelchair or crutches and to be precise not someone sick but someone who was active yet had disability in legs and I never knew why? I wanted them to be my mother and this feeling never left me and grew stronger and stronger and I had a chance to live that with someone who was in wheelchair and I accepted her as my mother although I love my real mom more than anything and would do anything for her but with the other mom who is a mother from heart I felt I was home a feeling I never had otherwise and since I was a child when i saw women which looked more like my concept of mother it instilled a strange feeling inside me feeling of home and love and it came to a point where i feel jealous of kids who have beautiful active mothers in wheelchairs.

I have a feeling that I have not very long to live I lost my father in his early 30's to cardiac arrest and recently tests were not very positive for me but at same time no very conclusive as I have hypercholestomia and in past year I have grown so much spiritually that I have turned vegetarian ,repaid all my loans and have meet friends haven't meet in a long time and apologized to people I might have hurt in past and things that have been hanging for years have been finished and a the is a certain calmness that has come inside me so there is a feeling that end is coming again although there is so much I love in life I have and amazing people as friends and family I might be wrong but I am not scared of dying at all.

I want nothing more than wanting to be born to a mother who is active and a wheelchair user and i think it would be such a beautiful feeling that there a no words to describe it I know many of you might find this very strange but for me this is the ultimate happiness.

Do you think this can happen in my afterlife this is the biggest question I have in my mind.Would I be able to choose my mother and place of birth?

I know this a strange question but any insights would be very helpful.

Thank you.