Berserk2
|
This topic affects me viscerally right now. A couple of days ago, I received a call with unspeakable horrific news from members of our church family. Ken and Sherry had lived together out of wedlock for 12 years and had a young son in the first grade (Jimmy--age 6). They were having problems paying their bills and Sherry and Ken often fought over her perception that Ken wasn't doing enough to seek a local job. She had even threatened to leave him. Recently, Sherry had a job offer in Spokane 75 miles away and felt she should take it, so the couple could build up some savings to support little Jimmy.
Sherry's youngest sister (Vicky) was downstairs a few blocks from me with an angry and depressed Ken. Suddenly Ken retrieved his hidden gun, put a bullet in the chamber, and walked upstairs where Sherry was playing with her little boy in her bedroom. Vicky was shouting, "Don't do it! Don't do it!" Ken shouted, "All of you need to see this!" and blew off his face. Little Jimmy was just a few feet away, but behind the door. He exclaimed: "Someone just died--and it's Daddy!" Sherry was and still is far too hysterical to be interogated by the police, but Vicky recounted the grisly details to an officer. An unspeakable act by an angry and depressed young man (age 30) to hurt Sherry as much as possible!
Sherry's family (but not Sherry and Ken) attends our church. So I was called to go over and help everyone cope with this tragedy! I needed to spend hours there the past 2 days. A hysterical Sherry kept on insisting that if she went home, Ken would still be alive and everything would be OK. She blamed herself for what he did. Despite sedatives, she and her family have had little sleep since. Jimmy needed his Mom, but we had to keep him away from her until she could be sensitive to his needs. Today, Sherry wanted to go to the funeral home and see Ken's corpse. Her determination to do this is problematic because Ken has no face now! I insisted on going with her.
Vicky tried to help by saying, "Ken is with God now," but Sherry snapped, "No, he's in Hell; suicides don't go to heaven!" Ken's family is gradually arriving from the west coast, and I'm concerned that blame will thrown around at the worst possible time.
Sherry's family wants me to do a memorial service early next week celebrating Ken's life. Now I didn't know Ken, but I certainly am not prepared to claim that he is in Hell. Still, I think he will be held accountable for his cruel and selfish actions. But this accountability will surely take into account that his depression and anger made him temporarily insane. My reflection on Ken's life will basically tell positive and humorous stories designed to release affection. In my view, all funeral and memorial services need to strive through stories to capture and express the essence of the deceased's soul. I also urge families to create a memorial display at the front of the church that resembles a work of modern art--i. e. not just the best photos of the deceased from infancy to the present, but also objects that symbolize his passions, hobbies, and character. I also offer the grieving families the chance to consider various prayers, hymns, favorite love songs, etc. so that the content of the service bears their personal stamp and is as positive as it can be under the circumstances. I have learned not to ask families to share reflections before the crowd. Rather, I ask them to be prepared to share with a chance to decline when the moment arrives. After me own reflection, grieving family members often find the strength through the poignant and funny stories I share to "lighten up" enough to regain their composure and speak. Doing so is very fulfilling and therapeutic for them.
[I have taken steps to get the best counseling for Jimmy. I have changed all the names to protect the family's privacy.]
|